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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822701">Love isn't something you find, love finds you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EandAfanfics/pseuds/EandAfanfics'>EandAfanfics</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alyssa is a workaholic, Emma has a secret, F/F, Meeting in an Airport, all the feels, except they can't figure it out cause they're gay idiots</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:21:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EandAfanfics/pseuds/EandAfanfics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alyssa Greene is living the dream after ditching Indiana to live in NYC... or so she thinks. Something has always been missing.</p><p>Enter Emma Nolan, the woman that just might break past Alyssa's walls and help her believe in love.</p><p>But is everything as it seems with Emma Nolan? And even if love indeed finds them, will they choose to accept it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alyssa Greene &amp; Emma Nolan, Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey guys! This is my first time writing a fan fic, so hooray for newbies! Have a little mercy on me, but I just love these two and decided to experiment with writing an AU for them. I would love any kind of feedback in the comments as this is all very new to me! Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well how was the trip, honey? Did you manage perhaps a well-deserved nap while you were there? Stroll the beaches or whatever they do in San Francisco?”</p><p>“In the middle of January? No Mom. Pretty much lived in the hotel roo-“</p><p>“Again?” her mother interrupts.</p><p>Alyssa rolls her eyes and shifts the phone to her other ear. She manages to use a free hand to readjust her papers covering the backseat of her Uber, peeks out the window to an interstate clear and open. It is still a little early in the morning, she supposes.</p><p>“Again.” She huffed out. Still being lectured by her mother wasn’t exactly how she planned to live out 24. “Jonathan just had a few more authors he wanted to review and meet with while we were at the second office. After I land, Kaylee will pick me up, we’ll get some food, and I’ll go home and relax until tomorrow morning. Okay?”</p><p>“You know I worry about you. Go go go, do do do…”</p><p>“And where do you think I got that from?” Alyssa asks with an aggressive chuckle.</p><p>“I know. I know, honey, I wasn’t always the calmest or the most forgiving when it came to parenting styles.”</p><p>“Understatement of the year…” Alyssa adds.</p><p>“-but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to enjoy things now. Honey I just want you to kno-“</p><p>Frustration is brewing, and she is not in the mood to explore this today. “Okay. Okay, Mom. My Uber just got me here. I have to go.”</p><p>Alyssa hangs up before her mother can even properly spew out 80 more recommendations and critiques. It’s always loomed over her. The perfection. The expectations. Her mother’s standards were always the hot fire under her that pushed her into Ivy League applications and living on LinkedIn.</p><p>But it wasn’t all bad. She truly loved what she did. Assistant to the executive of a national book publishing agency suited her for now. Great boss. Great co-workers. A couple of good friends in the city. And she didn’t succumb to the everything the hustling bustling New York white collar culture stood for. She had a steal of a cozy studio, with views that honestly should be worth twice as much as the rent she pays per month, but her mother had an old connection with the landlord. She traveled often, although the past few months it had been far less for leisure.</p><p>Life was good. Life was good. Life was good.</p><p>Maybe if she kept repeating it to herself, she’d believe it.</p><p>She was still fresh out school, lots of learning and growing to do. She had only been in NYC for less than a year, perhaps she just needed to settle in a bit more. New décor in the living room? Maybe find a new go to Thai restaurant? Perhaps she REALLY just needs to emotionally remove herself from her mother’s ways. Or perhaps she needed to put that all aside and focus on the climb within the agency. Something that made things a bit more…</p><p>“Ma’am? We’re here?”</p><p>“Oh. So sorry. Thanks I- I jus- sorry.” Alyssa straightens out her buttoned blouse. She scrambles her odds and ends together that sat stationed as her 15-minute office on her way to the airport. She stumbles out of the back door, closes it, and wheels a carry-on luggage over the curb and into the front doors.</p><p>She has been in the San Francisco airport at least 5 times since taking on this job, since another corporate headquarters was stationed here. Always well ahead of schedule and with TSA pre-check as a must, Alyssa can make it through just about any airport with plenty of time to relax. </p><p>She pushes through congested entrances and makes her way to forward when…</p><p>“Ma’am? HEY! EXCUSE ME?” A voice blares out into the airport lobby.</p><p>Ugh. The Uber driver again? Alyssa pivots on her heel expecting the stubbled face of an older man who just drove her to the airport, maybe with her keys or coat in hand because she had a bad habit of hurrying out of Ubers and Lyfts without her essentials.</p><p>But it’s not.</p><p>Something much better.</p><p>A young woman, jogging up towards her, with bulky headphones matting down blonde curls. She stands just a few inches taller than Alyssa. Styling what looks to be a ridiculously comfy grey sweater and multi-colored button up underneath. A pair of beat up chucks, worn but clean jeans, a small tattoo perhaps on her wrist on the hand that was raised up to get her attention? Her eyes are framed with glasses that she has to readjust against the bridge of her nose since she just jogged over rather quickly. The whole ensemble matches the comfort in her smile. It’s soft. It’s gentle. It’s charming.</p><p>It’s…been a few seconds and she’s still staring. Oops.</p><p>“EXCUSE ME?! HEY IS THIS YOURS?!” Both of them are apparently unaware that the woman is yelling through her over ear headphones and alerting the whole lobby to their conversation. Alyssa giggles and springs her hand forward to remove them and set them around her neck.</p><p>“Sorry. Sorry I uh, I think you were just screaming…” Alyssa smiles.</p><p>“OH. Oh, oh I’m sorry. Whoops…” The woman giggles, pausing whatever singer-songwriter music she was just listening to. “Is this yours?” She hands over a crisp new leather clutch to Alyssa, half zipped probably from her attempt to dive out of her ride to the airport, with her passport, pre-printed boarding pass, and some business cards nearly falling out.</p><p>“Yes! Yes oh my word that would have been so bad if I lost this!” Alyssa blushes, a little frantic.</p><p>“No big deal. You were, uh, well you looked like you were on a mission.”</p><p>Alyssa smiles again. “People say that about me. Perhaps because I always am.”</p><p>“Nothing wrong with that.” Emma reassures.</p><p>A small pause between them, as Alyssa positions her items back into her tote bag and reorganizes herself, the other woman standing a little breathless. She fidgets with her hands, tugging at the bottom of her sweater combo, staring at her. So perhaps the staring is mutual?</p><p>“Emma.”</p><p>“Beg your pardon?” Alyssa asks.</p><p>“Emma. My name is Emma.”</p><p>“I didn’t ask?”</p><p>“I wanted you to know. And I’d love to know yours.”</p><p>If this interaction with Emma wasn’t the most authentic human interaction she had all week, which is probably saying something… then maybe she would have found this forward, even aggressive. But somehow Emma looks right through her in an honest and tender way, as she is holding her breath so hopeful for a response from Alyssa, and Alyssa chooses to be enthralled in the moment for once.</p><p>“Alyssa.”</p><p>“Alyssa?”</p><p>“Alyssa Greene.”</p><p>For a moment, Emma hesitates. She holds her breath, finally responding with her own name. </p><p>“Emma Nolan.”</p><p>The two have their eyes fully engaged on one another. Alyssa eventually extends her hand out for a handshake, “Nice to meet you, Emma Nolan.” she says casually.</p><p>At this, Emma eventually relaxes enough to grasp Alyssa’s hand in her own. She breathes as if catching it for the first time, and smiles. “Nice to meet you, Alyssa Greene.” She retracts her hand and shakes her head, reconciling herself back to the moment and looks up around the lobby and various TSA security lines. “Well, Alyssa, where is your next mission taking you to?”</p><p>Alyssa picks up her belongings, glancing at her watch. “Home.” She pulls up the handle of her wheeled baggage and begins to turn towards the que. “And because you’re pretty much stranger I suppose that’s all you’re going to know.” Alyssa pivots and smirks almost flirtatiously.</p><p>Emma throws her duffle over her shoulder and catches up to Alyssa’s side before slowly pacing next to her. “Hardly strangers now given that I’ve already saved your passport and a potential derailing of your entire day of travel, yeah?” They each exchange another playful smile. “Where is home?”</p><p>“It’s starting to feel like airports are at this point.” Alyssa says while moving step by step forward in line.</p><p>“Frequent flyer. Got it, got it.” Emma steps forward right behind.</p><p>“And you?” Alyssa asks.</p><p>Emma considers the question, and after a second responds. “Home is wherever you make it, I think. If you want to get technical, I’m originally from central Indiana, but uh… I’ve since moved.”</p><p>Alyssa stops in line abruptly. Abruptly enough for Emma to accidentally bump into her behind her and the two laugh. “SHUT UP. You’re kidding! I moved from central Indiana too! Mom still lives there actually!”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘Hoosier country, baby!’” Emma says in a mocking tone. “Being in pep band in high school, I’ve watched more basketball than I ever care to for the rest of my life.”</p><p>“Same. It was never exactly my scene anyway. One of the reasons I moved up and on.”</p><p>“Exactly.” Emma readjusts the duffle strap digging into her shoulder. “Okay, Alyssa Greene, at least what terminal are you heading to? Got any time to kill?” she asks hopefully once again.</p><p>Alyssa grins as she hands her documentation to a TSA agent for scanning. She gets directed to the first line, and is surprised to find Emma is moved right behind her after clearing her documents to fly.</p><p>“Pre-check, too?”</p><p>“I travel often enough that it’s handy.” Emma responds nonchalantly. “Terminal?”</p><p>“Terminal…” Alyssa shakes her head while throwing her items up onto the conveyer belt. Hopefully Emma doesn’t see enough through her for a little white lie, but this really shouldn’t be the time or place for all this, whatever this all is... “Terminal 3. I’m, uh, heading for Denver.” She doesn’t look up to verify if her fib would keep up her defenses enough from Emma Nolan, and moves through the metal detector quickly.</p><p>Emma cocks her head sideways as she removes her headphones and pushes her stuff down the belt. She nods and steps forward through the detector and half smiles at Alyssa on the other side. “Ah. Okay. Okay I understand.”</p><p>“Not that I wouldn’t love to generate small talk about the weather and discuss the objective of your travel today and why you travel so often and hear the story behind the wrist tattoo and all that blah blah blah. Emma, really, thank you for being kind enough to pick up my clutch and return it to me. But I’m a busy gal and I don’t think this kind of thing is exactly in my plans for today. I don’t think you really want me to be in your plans for today, actually.”</p><p>“Alyssa. Really. I understand. It’s really okay. Perhaps in another chance meeting when you’re back through SFO?” Emma might have been disappointed, but she maintains a cute smirk as she holds out her hand for another formal handshake.</p><p>Alyssa shakes her hand firmly. “Hopefully I can return the favor of you saving my day.”</p><p>Emma shrugs. “I’m a clutz so those odds are actually pretty good.”</p><p>Alyssa grins one last time, releases Emma’s hand, and turns to go.</p><p>• • •</p><p>Before she knows it, auto pilot has kicked in. Reading the departure screens, taking the tram to Terminal 2 where her actual flight is taking off, picking up a quick coffee (after all, it was well deserved for a 9 o’clock flight in the morning in which she had to be awake by 5 o’clock), and boarding her flight.</p><p>A window seat, nearly 4 hours to take her mind off things. Planes were a good chance to reevaluate some things with work, maybe read another manuscript Jonathan wanted reviewed. She pulls out some materials to read. But the first few minutes while basic economy continues to board is hard to focus.</p><p>Hard to focus after the first time she’s made a real connection with another person in maybe months. A spark. Something neither one of them probably asked for. Or at least Alyssa wasn’t asking for. Would it be too forward to find her on social media? She begins to type out the name into her phone, Emma Nolan…</p><p>“Easy Alyssa, whoa girl. It’s not a big deal.” she says to herself. But the name and everything about this woman is somehow stuck in her head. Emma Nolan. Emma Nolan. Emma Nolan.</p><p>“Ma’am?”</p><p>Emma Nolan. Alyssa looks up, mouth agape to see Emma standing in the aisle, shifting the duffle up in the overhead compartment, and settling into the middle seat of her row.</p><p>Alyssa is initially in shock. She eventually leans slightly into Emma’s space, beginning to whisper “How did yo-“</p><p>“You know, I 100% respect your decision to not disclose personal information to strangers. I really do. Even to a fellow ‘Hoosier’!” She snaps in her seatbelt, continuing their conversation with a truly nonjudgmental tone considering Alyssa had just being caught in a lie. “If only you remembered I saw your boarding pass falling out of your clutch to know you were headed to New York.”</p><p>Alyssa gulped.</p><p>“And I tried so hard to hold back laughter, I really did. Because I mean, what are the odds that you would be the 12F to my 12E?” Emma holds up a boarding pass between their close proximity. There it is, this row and this middle seat printed on the right hand side of her ticket. She gives Alyssa a big heartwarming smile, no guilt apparent, and pulls a Ziploc bag out of her backpack.</p><p>“Now, let’s see… chocolate?” Emma holds up a Hershey’s kiss in her palm offering as a snack to Alyssa.</p><p>These were 4 hours Alyssa was not sure she was going to survive.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Emma I am so so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Oh Alyssa it’s really okay. It’s almost sort of funny, isn’t it? I mean what are the chances?” Emma continues to extend her hand out with the chocolate. “Well?”</p>
<p>Alyssa looks at the candy and lowers Emma’s hand to her knee. She keeps her hand planted there and looks at Emma. “No, no hold up. It’s really not okay. Emma, I just made up the other flight stuff because, well… we were connecting so well.”</p>
<p>Emma cocks her head to the side with a furrowed brow again. It’s becoming endearing. “Oh that really clears it up now. Do you always turn away people that you make a genuine connection with?” she asks jokingly.</p>
<p>Alyssa’s response is much more sincere. “I haven’t had it happen in a long time. I don’t know I was just… I guess I was just flustered is all. You were so nice. And you helped me. And I didn’t want to get attached. I mean who really gets invested in a conversation with a stranger before flying off somewhere never to be seen again? So I made something up and I just feel so bad that I-“</p>
<p>Emma places her other hand over Alyssa’s that is still resting on her knee. Her thumb grazes the top of Alyssa’s hand, she leans into her space ever so subtly to whisper “Hey. It’s REALLY okay. Okay?”</p>
<p>Alyssa lets the guilt she feels finally roll off with Emma’s words, and sighs. “Okay.”</p>
<p>“Great. Finally, we can enjoy some snacks and try to figure out what on earth we can talk about at this point.” Emma reclines back in her seat even though they haven’t taken off yet.</p>
<p>“1…” Alyssa motions to the seat’s reclining button, “That flight attendant is totally going to catch you and make you bring your seat back upright. And 2, who exactly limits what we can talk about?”</p>
<p>Emma keeps her seat positioned, in fact making herself more comfortable lounging back to be silly. “You, remember?” Emma replies. “No weather small talk, no talking about why we’re going back home to New York, why we travel so much…”</p>
<p>“So you ran off from Indiana to New York too?” Alyssa interjects, shifting in her seat to turn towards the blonde.</p>
<p>Emma turns slightly towards Alyssa as well. “Yeah. I did. About 2 and a half years ago. Best decision I’ve ever made.”</p>
<p>“And what do you do now?” Alyssa asks.</p>
<p>“Well answering that question might end up answering a question that someone deemed off limits. Can’t know why I travel so much.” Emma winks. Damn, she is cute. “Let’s just say I’m involved in the arts.” Emma settles back into her lounging, eyes closed.</p>
<p>Alyssa nods, “That’s a fair start.”</p>
<p>“And you’re involved with books somehow, yeah?” Emma asks without even opening her eyes.</p>
<p>That was a remarkable guess. How did Emma know that? How could she possibly see her that well? What was she giving away? “Huh?”</p>
<p>Emma opens her eyes and looks down at Alyssa’s lap, “I mean, the manuscript?”</p>
<p>Alyssa breathes. The manuscript she intended to edit over this flight is sitting unaddressed since Emma first sat down. She realizes that she is probably not going to focus anytime soon on these 60 pages of new material in front of her. She tucks the stack of papers into her tote bag, and gives in yet again to the moment with Emma Nolan.</p>
<p>“Yes. I work for a book agency. The assistant to the executive. Lots of bestsellers.”</p>
<p>Emma truly looks impressed, “Wow. That’s got to be such an interesting line of work.”</p>
<p>Alyssa considers this. “At times. When I let it. When I remember why I do it.”</p>
<p>“And why is it that you do it?”</p>
<p>Alyssa pauses as the plane begins to shift into motion towards the strip. She sits with her journey through the past few years and how she’s ended up sharing a piece of her life with Emma in this not even full flight back home. She settles on an answer she likes.</p>
<p>“Because books can communicate things that I sometimes lack the courage express.”</p>
<p>Emma smiles. “That’s beautiful. Really. That’s almost exactly how I feel about music.”</p>
<p>“Books and music are both honest mediums.” Alyssa sighs, then turns her attention to the new detail. “Ah ha, music! You work in music?”</p>
<p>Emma suddenly goes a tad shy now that the attention has shifted to her. “Yeah. I’m, a… a producer. Audio engineering for some singer-songwriters. A little writing myself here and there, but not much.”</p>
<p>“And you say my work is interesting? That is so cool.” Alyssa says.</p>
<p>Emma spaces out as she thinks about it, clearly enthused. “I love it. I really mean it, I love what I do. Creating something new, something special almost every day. The label I work for has connected with a few decent artists across the country, which is fun.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like you’re probably being too modest. Ever wanted to take the spotlight yourself?” Alyssa asks, finally unwrapping the Hershey’s kiss and popping it into her mouth.</p>
<p>“God no. I tried it once. I barely have enough confidence in what I’m creating, let alone put my face attached to it. I accompany for some friends at bars and coffee shops every now and again, but it’s always pretty low key.”</p>
<p>“Well I’m a little surprised you prefer remaining low key, given your boldness to talk to me today.” Alyssa laughs.</p>
<p>Emma doesn’t waver when she smiles and says, “I suppose fate can be a lot stronger than fear.”</p>
<p>Alyssa’s breath hitches a little at the smoothness of Emma’s words. She’s brought back to reality when the flight attendant taps Emma’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re taking off and I need all seats in the upright position for your safety.”</p>
<p>Emma’s face goes a red as she presses to button to return to her seat to its normal position as she’s asked, while Alyssa bites her lip holding back choruses of ‘I told you so’s.</p>
<p>Emma points at her, “Very funny. Laugh all you want now, Greene, but I’ll get you back for that one.”</p>
<p>“Ooooo is that a challenge?” Alyssa says thrilled by the idea of continuing her winning streak.</p>
<p>“It just might be.” Emma replies. “What’s your in flight game of choice, Alyssa Greene?”</p>
<p>“Hmmmmm…” Alyssa’s eyes shift around her to consider what possible fun could be made with the space around them. She glances at her tote bag and remembers the manuscript; she can’t remember the last time she hasn’t worked while on the plane. “I think I can take you in a serious game of Never Have I Ever.” Alyssa wiggles her eyebrows playfully.</p>
<p>“Bring it.” Emma rubs her hands together and prepares for the series of questions.</p>
<p>First it’s Never Have I Ever, where Alyssa learns that Emma has never gone skinny dipping and Emma is shocked by Alyssa never eaten New York style pizza. In fact, a whole hour of it flies by before they transition to Truth or Dare. And after many comical dares involving the woman in 12C and the male flight attendant, they suddenly end up diving deep into people watching, making up ridiculous background stories about their fellow plane-mates scattered throughout the rows.</p>
<p>By the 3rd hour, Alyssa isn’t sure she has laughed this hard in her life. Being seated next to Emma Nolan may have been the best thing to happen to her in a very long time, and almost wishes this could last forever. But her wish is sadly busted by the sound of the pilot on the intercom announcing their arrival to JFK in just 15 minutes.</p>
<p>“Huh.” Alyssa breathes out.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Emma asks.</p>
<p>“I’ve just, never had so much fun on a flight before, is all. The time went by so fast.” Alyssa fidgets with the hem of her purple blouse and tucks brunette curls behind her ear. She hides her disappointment as best as she can.</p>
<p>“Oh, but the best part is about to come.” Emma stretches across Alyssa’s body and fully raises the half open window blind next to them.</p>
<p>Alyssa looks out to see the city, the bridges, the skyline, a crisp partly cloudy January day as they begin their descent. She analyzes the layout like a map and manages to decipher exactly where her office might be. She sits and tries to soak it all in.</p>
<p>“What do you see?”</p>
<p>Alyssa is surprised to hear the blonde’s question so strong, and looks to see it’s because Emma is still leaned over almost into Alyssa, her eyes twinkling at the sights out the window.</p>
<p>Alyssa attempts to return to looking out the window for her answer; feeling Emma’s arm accidentally grazing hers and getting the tiniest bit of Emma’s scent doesn’t make this easy. She squints, “I see my office, I think. What about you?”</p>
<p>Emma’s gaze is glued to the skyline, as she answers. “I see songs. I see stories and people and life in that city.” She sits back in her original position looking at the brunette. “And I see their songs waiting to be written.”</p>
<p>Alyssa is doing her best to not be captivated by the way Emma sees her. The way the last 4 hours have made her feel and how she can almost tangibly taste how sweet this feeling is. So she busies herself with packing up her belongings. The attendants go around to collect trash amongst the cabin, everyone settles in for a smooth wheels down, and the iconic single note cue when the lights turn on letting everyone know they can take off their seatbelts and exit the aircraft. Emma is kind enough to let Alyssa go through, although it doesn’t matter much as they continue their conversations side by side exiting the airport. Outside, the afternoon traffic is picking up pace. Kaylee somehow managed to time her pick up perfectly and pull in behind a cab that Emma signaled for herself. Alyssa knows the adventure must end here.</p>
<p> Before Emma can take her duffle off to throw into the opened trunk of the cab, Alyssa gently grasps at her elbow and turns them face to face with each other. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Lys, come on, it was just a clutch. Any good person would have picked it up and found who it belo-“</p>
<p>“No.” The brunette tucks curls of loose hair behind her ear again. “No thank you. For everything.”</p>
<p>Emma smiles, that charming soft smile back again, and uses both arms to grab both of Alyssa’s arms. “I hope you get to where you’re wanting to go. Wherever that may take you.” A brief pause between them. “And I appreciate that you made the time for me even though I wasn’t exactly in your plans for today.”</p>
<p>Alyssa shifts the weight on her feet and brings her hands to her pockets, looking up at Emma. “I didn’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Well, in that case…” Emma kicks at the ground, “…any interest in being a part of my plans, maybe this coming weekend?”</p>
<p>Alyssa’s heart is about to jump leaps and bounds at the idea of a date, when Emma adds, “Just as friends and all!”</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>“Just, if you wanted to hang out more in the city. One of the artists I write for has a little gig that he wants me to play with him, if you wanted to come? Really low key. I could use a good pal to survive some of these events with.”</p>
<p>After the emotional whiplash of disappointment wears away, the offer still stands as incredibly exciting. “I actually would really like that. Yes. Why not!”</p>
<p>“Awesome!” Emma watches Alyssa walk to Kaylee’s car and safely get inside. “I’ll, um, I’ll send you the details! Around 7 o’clock next Saturday!” Emma nearly trips walking backwards to her own cab, the two of them waving. Alyssa finally buckles into the passenger seat, unable to contain some giddy from her unexpected day.</p>
<p>Of course, she had to get in with Kaylee there.</p>
<p>“Alright, spill.”</p>
<p>“Kaylee, it’s really nothing. Just a friend I met over my flight. That is it.” Alyssa doesn’t even look up in order to not give herself away, knowing that that is probably the second time she has lied to someone today.</p>
<p>“Okay, well what does she do? Does she live here? How did you actually meet? Where is she from? Did you talk about families? Not like you guys having a family but like your own famil-”</p>
<p>“Kaylee…” Alyssa groans as a warning sign to not continue. “She works in music. Lives here. Met in the airport. We didn’t chat much about our pasts. Not even sure she’s even interested as more than friends. It’s nothing.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Fine. Whatever.” Kaylee pushes one final time. “Does your ‘nothing’ at least have a name?”</p>
<p>“Emma Nolan.”</p>
<p>Kaylee pauses. And in the most sudden outburst of surprise, she screams. “WHAT?!” The car nearly swerves, Alyssa nearing a heart attack, Kaylee exclaiming with all kinds of energy.</p>
<p>“Kaylee, what the hell?!”</p>
<p>“Emma Nolan?! Like, the music PRODUCER Emma Nolan?!?”</p>
<p>Alyssa is startled now. “Kaylee, how did you know that..”</p>
<p>“Emma Nolan is the hottest ghost writer of the business right now, Lys!! My co-workers down at the radio and podcast network cannot stop talking about her. She’s undercover writing and producing for all of the big names right now! And she is covering EVERYTHING. Like pop and rock and radio one hit wonder shit, but her roots are like fucking Broadway. BROADWAY, LYS! I mean how wildly talented is this woman?! Oh my GOD. Emma Nolan?! How the hell did you land a seat right next to Emma Nolan?!”</p>
<p>Alyssa is absolutely speechless. Clueless. Her brain can hardly formulate words for whatever is happening right now. Instead of tuning into Kaylee’s continued exclamations, she finally searches the name that’s been on her mind in her phone, and is met with dozens of articles…</p>
<p>
  <em>Emma Nolan: The Nominee for New Artist of the Year, But Who May Never Accept an Award, Let Alone Show Her Face</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who Is This Girl?! Unlocking the Truths About Pop/Rock Ghost Writer Responsible for 3 of the Nation’s Current Top 10 Hits</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anonymous Composer Emma Nolan Produces 2<sup>nd</sup> Smash Musical in This Broadway Season Alone</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Holy shit.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter in the works...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The realization that Alyssa was about to spend the evening hanging out with her new friend – were they friends? – was new levels of nervous.</p><p>Particularly because she had no idea how to interact with Emma Nolan, now that she knew she was actually an undercover celebrity.</p><p>Emma and Alyssa exchanged contact information back on the day of the flight, so the two had been communicating through text messages, though nothing more than hellos and the details for the weekend. Emma ended up suggesting grabbing a drink before the show she was supposed to accompany on Saturday night.</p><p>At 5 o’clock, Alyssa was waiting patiently outside the front door of her apartment complex for Emma to meet her. She had gone over her outfit at least dozen times before tonight, but settled on dark jeans, ankle boots, a knit sweater with her long peacoat. A classy yet casual outfit, which would hopefully be versatile enough given Emma refused to tell her how dressy this event actually was. Or even the venue of where this event actually was.</p><p>Emma rolls up on a bright red bicycle. She’s wearing dark jeans, her same beat up chucks, and a stunning a black blazer over a button up with a loose black tie. Wow, she is…</p><p>“Hey, friend!” Emma calls out while locking up her bike on the street.</p><p>Right. “Hi, friend.” Alyssa says the word with a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She relishes at least not being in question that she really is a friend of Emma’s.</p><p>“Ready to go?” Emma walks up to her and directs to the northbound sidewalk.</p><p>“Oh. Do we need a ride? I can call a cab.” Alyssa moves to pull out her phone from her coat.</p><p>“Well unless you’re interested in sitting on the handlebars of my bike, I was thinking we would just walk since Angie’s is 8, maybe 9 blocks away? It helps that we both happen live in the center of Manhattan. And the weather is good enough for this time of year.”</p><p>“No talking about weather, remember?” Alyssa winks as she returns her phone to her pocket. “So Angie’s? Never heard of it!”</p><p>“Oh, Angie and I go way back. Great friend of mine. You’ll love her!”</p><p>The two begin to walk to the bar. On the way, Alyssa briefly rants about the past few days at work. Emma listens so patiently, and adds a few jokes that lightens her frustration. Talking with Emma is as easy as it was on the plane.</p><p>When they arrive at the bar, someone is waiting at the front door.</p><p>“Emmmmm! Oh my goodness, so glad you’re here!” The tallest blonde woman towering above them in heels literally picks Emma up off the ground with a giant bear hug. “Oh God how long has it been? You’ve been all over the place. You need to come see me more! Oh it’s so good to see you!” She catches a glimpse of Alyssa. “Ohhh, and who is this little thing you brought in?”</p><p>“Angie, it’s not like that. This is Alyssa. Just a friend. And just bringing her here to show her your place.” Emma leans in and whispers, but Alyssa is too keen to not hear something along the lines of ‘Seriously. Keep it cool.’</p><p>Angie nods. “Well welcome! Come on in, Miss Lys!” She opens the doors for the girls to walk in.</p><p>Angie’s bar is absolutely wicked. The atmosphere. The colors. The décor. A modern multi-colored bar scene. The esthetic lets people sip cocktails and play board games by the fireplace in one corner, while a crowd of indie music listeners blare vinyl with beer in the next corner. The backsplash is made up of laminated signed Playbills, a killer personal touch for Angie. The ceilings are strung with wine bottle lamps. The pictures on the wall are simple framed photos of people joyfully spending their time here. It’s almost dreamlike, a fantasy bar of sorts. Alyssa genuinely wonders how much of the bar scene she could be missing out on with the God-awful places her boring work friends recommend. Angie could not be more kind to them, chatting with Emma and Alyssa about anything and everything while fixing them up drinks.</p><p>As incredible as the night is, and as the hour closes in on when Emma said they should get going, Alyssa knows she has to get this feeling off her chest. Not the confusing feeling of Emma’s eyes and smile and ugh, everything. She has to clear up this looming feeling of knowing Emma’s secret.</p><p>“Emma?” Alyssa hesitates.</p><p>“Hmm?” Emma doesn’t even look up as she signs the check for a couple drinks she had, but is clearly still anticipating the brunette’s question.</p><p>“Can I talk to you about something? About, um, you?”</p><p>Emma releases the receipt from her hand to Angie and locks eyes with Alyssa. She doesn’t seem to get it as she furrows her brow. “Me?”</p><p>Alyssa offers her a way out once again. “You?”</p><p>“What about me?” Emma questions, oblivious.</p><p>“That… That…” The bar is loud enough that surely she can say this hushed but also with some confidence. “That you’re music producer Emma Nolan?! Like the top undercover artist in the nation right now?!?”</p><p>Emma freezes. Angie stops drying a glass and tunes into what Alyssa has just said. The two blondes look at each other, desperate for a resolution to this predicament. But Alyssa is not interested in being left in this confusion.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me, Emma No-!“</p><p>Emma immediately puts a hand over the brunette’s mouth. She gives Angie a brief look. “Ang, I need the roof.”</p><p>Angie gives her a look that demonstrates some surprise, mouthing the words ‘She knows?!’, but does not hesitate to throw a set of keys that Emma swiftly catches with the free hand that isn’t covering Alyssa’s mouth still. “Come with me.” She grabs Alyssa’s wrist and pulls her up multiple flights of stairs to the rooftop of the bar.</p><p>As the stairwell door opens, Alyssa sees what has to be one of the coolest spaces in her life, a perfect continuation of the atmosphere below. There are sets of Edison string lights strung along nearly enclosed gazebo-like structure, hanging over only a few pieces of cozy and inviting furniture; perhaps this is where bar staff members and their loved ones commune together? The floor is painted in bright geometric lines. It’s rather breezy up here, but not nearly as cold as you would expect with this winter and the outdoor fireplace on full blast seem to help.</p><p>Emma spins on her heels and pulls Alyssa close over to the side of the gazebo to block out some wind. She also looks around to ensure no one can see them. Probably because she has some explaining to do.</p><p>“Emma, what is going on? You were just some basic economy seatmate who shared a flight from SFO to JFK on a Tuesday morning. Now I’m finding out you have, like, undercover celebrity status? I mean, are you really Emma Nolan??”</p><p>“Yes. I’m so sorry, Alyssa. I was going to mention the extent of all this tonight before the show, obviously. I just didn’t know how, I just… I…” Emma leans her head up against the wooden support of the structure and fidgets with her tie.</p><p>Alyssa sees genuine guilt in Emma’s eyes. She’s knows that guilt. She’s felt that guilt before. Messing up. Caught in a lie. But the truth is, Emma didn’t really mess up, and she didn’t even lie. She was honest with Alyssa; she was in fact a music producer from central Indiana who moved here to work with artists, writing and accompanying from time to time. She just never mentioned how deep her work really goes.</p><p>Which now brought up the question… “Why?” Alyssa vocalizes.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Why did you tell me your real name? Why did you basically reveal your whole identity to me?”</p><p>Emma tries to think of the right words to say. Barely biting her lip and reaching out her fingers just to lightly touch Alyssa’s own, she finds them. “I just trust you.”</p><p>A pause.</p><p>“I just knew felt in my gut I could trust you, Lys. That if you knew my identity, it would be okay. You wouldn’t flip out in front of everyone and you’d keep things cool. And if you didn’t know me, even better. Because you would just know me for me that day in the airport. You wouldn’t treat me any differently if you didn’t know. And since you didn’t, then I figured I could eventually tell you when I needed to. We really did make such an awesome connection that day, and I didn’t want to lose that. That’s why this whole thing has been a secret in the first place.”</p><p>Another pause. Alyssa is a little overwhelmed, but Emma seems to read her well and continues with more details to ease her mind.</p><p>“Okay.” Emma takes a deep breath. “When I was 17, I made a great connection with a couple Broadway stars. My face was plastered all over the media from a viral video of a song I wrote, and the whole thing was the first time I got to be true to myself. And I discovered my love for music. And those stars, Barry and Dee Dee, helped me get to that point. And they wanted to continue to help me with those dreams of being myself and working in music. But I knew if I worked in this industry, I wouldn’t want any of the fame that could potential come with it. I saw what one viral video did to me. I didn’t want all that. I wanted to still live a really normal fun happy life.”</p><p>Alyssa’s features soften, encouraging Emma to continue in her explanation.</p><p>“So they did everything humanly possible to clear my name and face from that previous story, and they got me some gigs writing shows for some of their Broadway buddies here. The next thing I know, big name artists are calling to have their next single written by me, all anonymously. I eventually became too overwhelmed with the contract work that I decided I needed to come up with my own label.”</p><p>“So the label you ‘work for’… is the label you founded and own?” Alyssa asks with a sarcastic grin.</p><p>“Guilty.” Emma brings her hand up to rub behind her neck. It’s impossibly adorable. “The Broadway gang and my grandmother are the only ones who have known. And now you.”</p><p>Alyssa tries to ignore the weight of carrying a such a large secret that only a few other people know about, and asks “The Broadway gang?”</p><p>“Barry and Dee Dee, Angie, who you met downstairs, and Trent.”</p><p>“Trent?”</p><p>“Speaking of Trent, we should really get going. He’s probably worried where his guitar player is.” Emma rolls the cuffs of her blazer and tucks one hand in her pocket, motioning her other hand towards the door. “Would you still want to come?”</p><p>Alyssa considers everything that has just happened. The sight of a well-dressed Emma Nolan spilling her secrets on the coolest rooftop in the city is, well, leaving her without words. She thinks to herself that this is the kind of stuff that only happens in her romance novels she edits for work. </p><p>But this isn’t romance. She has to remind herself that Emma thinks of her as a friend and friend only. Heck, Alyssa is the first actual friend of Emma’s to be entrusted with this information. She needs be Emma’s confidant through this, to support her and not confuse her with what can be deemed for now as irresponsible feelings. Alyssa doesn’t even know if these are legit feelings, if there’s anything going on at all. She has her own life details to work out, and all she knows is she does not want any of that to start messing with Emma’s head.</p><p>“You didn’t asked me if I would keep this a secret.” Alyssa states as they both unspokenly make their way downstairs.</p><p>“I knew I wouldn’t need to.” Emma replies.</p><p>They both smile, walking the rest of the way to the venue of Emma’s performance. A few blocks and laughs later, Alyssa looks up to a sign. At this point, she shakes her head at how ludicrous the situation she has found herself in.</p><p>FEINSTEIN’S 54 BELOW PRESENTS: TRENT OLIVER</p><p>• • •</p><p>“Thank you all for coming. I am excited to back with so many of you at 54 Below. Tonight’s theme is all about… me.”</p><p>The crowd laughs.</p><p>Trent adjusts the microphone closer. “No no, all joking aside. Tonight’s show is really a premiere of a brand new collection of music one of our favorite artists has been brewing up. I am so thankful to personally know the icon, Emma Nolan…”</p><p>The crowd interrupts with an applause. Emma is on stage at this point seated on a barstool with a guitar ready in her lap. She doesn’t waver at the celebration of her name; it’s like she’s so used to disconnecting herself from the stardom that she has gathered, and Alyssa starts to believe now that she means it when she says she never wanted fame.</p><p>“…yes yes, the Emma Nolan. And as always, she sends her regrets that she could not be here in person tonight…”</p><p>The crowd laughs again, as if there is this clear inside joke to the legendary Emma Nolan never being here in person. If only they knew their icon was right in front of them. Emma shoots Alyssa a smile on stage, which she happily returns.</p><p>“Well anyway, enough of the chit chat. Let’s get to this amazing working collection which Emma titles ‘Songs for the Unruly Heart’!”</p><p>Trent belts his unruly heart out through a number of songs. He has theatrics and stage presence, that’s for sure. But of course, Alyssa is more enthralled by the way Emma gets lost in her guitar playing. She finger picks, strums, graces the frets and the strings with such passion. It’s almost like… like she plays the way Alyssa feels when she works on rough drafts of books, or reads a new bestseller. </p><p>She remembers what Emma asked her back on the flight, about why she does what she does. That in books, Alyssa can communicate things she might be otherwise not brave enough to express. And she’s watching Emma come alive in that same way on the stage. It’s actually quite breath taking.</p><p>Trent concludes the show with a rather extensive series of bows, but before Alyssa can even give him his standing ovation, Emma pulls her aside and out the back door to the street. In a fit of laughter, they discuss Trent’s wild performance. They walk past a few street drummers, enjoy the brightly light billboards and skyscrapers of the city that never sleeps, and end up back at Alyssa’s place.</p><p>“Well, this is the entrance to my building. Are you sure you’re okay to ride your bike back at this time of night?” Alyssa takes a step closer to Emma before departing.</p><p>“For sure. I’m not far from here, actually. Which means you’re welcome to come hang out whenever! If you ever want to! You don’t have to!” Emma offers so cooly.</p><p>“Thank you, Emma. Yes, that sounds…” She remembers the importance of just being Emma’s trusted friend right now. “That sounds awesome! And you’re always welcome to hang out at mine too!”</p><p>They both linger for a moment in each other’s personal space. Suddenly it’s as if Emma is looking right through her into every part of her. Alyssa tilts her head up just enough to look back the same. The air between them sizzles, something about Emma’s framed eyes and the curve in her lips seem magnetic. Alyssa almost impulsively reaches her hand to run them through short blonde locks. She could spend all night in this electric feeling of just standing inches away from Emma.</p><p>Her senses tell her not to.</p><p>“Well. Goodnight, Emma.” The brunette lifts her keys up out of her purse to open the gate.</p><p>“Goodnight, Lys.”</p><p>The two turn before any rash decisions are made. Emma unlocks her bike and waves one last time before pedaling off into the night. Alyssa opens the gate and manages to get through her front door. She thumps the back of her head against the closed door, letting out a deep sigh.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Putting out chapters almost every day, but I think the next few will take a little longer! Stay tuned!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So how does the whole undercover producer thing work anyway? I mean, your name is still on everything, so it’s not technically anonymous right?” Alyssa tries to open her burning hot coffee to let the winter air rapidly cool it off, but struggles with her gloves wrapping around the lid.</p><p>“Well for one thing…” Emma grabs the cup from Alyssa’s hand, pops the lid, and hands it back. “…it starts with not saying something like that so loud in a place like Central Park.” she whispers.</p><p>Alyssa peeks around to see if anyone heard her from the bench they’re sitting on. Thankfully, there isn't a surplus people out enjoying the snow covered landscape this evening. “Oops. Sorry.”</p><p>Emma winks. “And secondly, yes. My name may be attached to everything I produce, but no where am I actually attached to my name.”</p><p>Alyssa gives her an inquisitive look.</p><p>Emma tries again, careful to keep their volume at a minimum, “What I mean is, everyone knows Emma Nolan exists. But no one knows that I am Emma Nolan.” She takes a sip of her own hot beverage and looks straight ahead. “When I'm meeting with new clients for the label, I usually use another name and say Emma is my boss. Most of the time, I usually just try not to use my last name unless it’s absolutely necessary. And when I have to use it and someone is suspicious, I make it a joke. ‘Yeah, I know, Emma Nolan. What a coincidence, same name.’ But no one has ever attached my face to the name or connected the dots from my small town life in Indiana, and I’m hoping to keep it that way.”</p><p>Alyssa shakes her head and a few moments pass. Curious, she asks, “And what about Indiana?”</p><p>“What about it?”</p><p>“I mean, you mentioned up and leaving it. Barry and Dee Dee landing you these awesome opportunities to write and all. Did you have any family? Friends?”</p><p>Emma musters about half a smile. “I had my grandmother.”</p><p>Alyssa sinks a little, “Had…”</p><p>“She was my rock. She was always my biggest fan. Took me in. Made so many sacrifices for me. She used to say ‘Emma. You have more inside of you than the world will every be able to take away. Never let them take it away. And find what makes everything inside of you come alive.’ God, she was the best.” Emma sips her coffee again looking forward again. “She passed peacefully a couple years ago.”</p><p>“Oh Emma. I am so sorry to hear that.”</p><p>Emma turns and shakes her head. “Oh please no, don’t be! She was an amazing woman, and you know, I think she’d be pretty proud of me and how far I’ve come. I’ve healed really well from it.” She looks back out to the people passing them in front of the bench. “I think her only regret would be that the secrecy of all this makes it hard to develop a support system.”</p><p>“From what I’ve gathered about Dee Dee and Barry from our few game nights on the rooftop, they seem to be a pretty amazing support system. Although they are mediocre Charades players, especially given how good they should be with how much experience they’ve had acting.” Alyssa chuckles.</p><p> “True, true.” Emma laughs, “They are really great, though. Absolutely the best.”</p><p>Alyssa looks upon Emma kindly, “And hey,” she places a hand on Emma’s knee, “You have me now, too. I’m always going to be there for you.”</p><p>“You really have no idea what that means to me. I mean, you might be the first person under the age of 40 that I’ve gotten to just be myself with, you know?” Emma scoots over a little closer to Alyssa, draping an arm behind her on the back of the bench. “This whole thing keeps my life pretty open and enjoyable, but can still be isolating. Like no one really sees the real me. You know what I mean?”</p><p>“Yes, I actually do.” Alyssa answers, feeling extra bold to move in closer to Emma’s new position. She runs her fingers around the rim of her coffee cup. “My high school friends just always saw the overinvolved student council president, and that continued well into everything I did in college. Shelby and Kaylee are the best I’ve got, but even then, I think they just see another person to pour wine and gossip about guys they’ve slept with. I think my mom…” Alyssa considers before continuing, “I think my mom just never saw in me what she was hoping to see. The real me would never be enough for her.”</p><p>“The real you would be more than enough for anyone worthy enough to have you, Alyssa.” Emma says.</p><p>Alyssa tries to contain herself and hide a blush brewing on her cheeks, which is thankfully easy enough to blame on the wind chill. “You better quit being such a quick wordsmith, Emma No-“ she catches herself almost saying her last name again and leans in to whisper, “Emma.”</p><p>Emma turns on a devilish grin, almost proud about her ability to say just the right words. “Well, now that that sap fest is over…” she arises up from her spot on the bench and holds out a hand to Alyssa “…if we don’t go now, we might miss our reservation.”</p><p>“Reservation?”</p><p>“You spent last winter here. You live in Manhattan. Don’t tell me you and your gals friends haven’t gone ice skating in the city before?”</p><p>“Hate to disappoint, I’ve never been ice skating at all, actually…”</p><p>“Ooooo even better. You might just be worse than Dee Dee.”</p><p>“Wait, THAT’S what we’re doing tonight with the Broadway gang? We’re going ice skating at the Wollman Rink?”</p><p>“Close…”</p><p>• • •</p><p>Alyssa has walked past this amazing sculpture and display numerous times. But at night, Rockefeller Center looked even more spectacular than she ever though it could.</p><p>At first, Alyssa was shocked to discover just how busy it was and she wondered how Emma managed to land a time for the 6 of them all together. She often forgets that Emma does make a substantial amount of money, being an internationally renowned songwriter and all. Maybe she forgets this because Emma lives ridiculously below her means. According to Barry, once bigger income started coming in, Emma started donating most of it to different causes and charities. But Emma always still budgeted plenty for “every day adventures”, as he put it. For those special food places and weekend explorations. A night as special as this to Alyssa would probably be just another night in Emma’s world.</p><p>The Broadway gang does a good job of keeping just enough space from the girls that should they be recognized by any fans, there’s no suspicion of Emma. And even still, the hats and scarfs swallowing up all their faces to stay warm make it fairly easy for the 6 of them to enjoy the night together with little interruption.</p><p>Emma was not joking: Dee Dee is an absolute disaster on the ice. Barry is a close second, although he doesn’t require gripping the ledge with white knuckles like Dee Dee does. Trent shows off spins and twirls like it’s nothing. Figures. Angie seems to just enjoy the leisurely skate, although Alyssa suspects Angie’s past dance experience would make her at least more than an amateur on the ice.</p><p>Emma, on the other hand, is clearly no amateur at this. She glides along the ice effortlessly with incredibly speed. When she gets in 2 warm up laps with record time and weaving through the crowds of people, she slows herself to the entrance where Alyssa is watching in astonishment.</p><p>“I had a little hockey experience as a kid?” Emma says. </p><p>Alyssa raises one eyebrow.</p><p>“…Maybe 7 years of it?” Emma shrugs her shoulders, to which Alyssa gently shoves her.</p><p>Alyssa is pretty skeptical to even get on the ice. After all, it is her first time. But once she takes her first steps on, skating expert Emma Nolan is incredibly patient with her. She holds Alyssa’s forearms, backwards skating in front of her to give her full stability. Alyssa keeps her vision glued to her feet with every push off, but she can feel Emma’s eyes and grin on her, verbally encouraging her the whole way. Eventually, Alyssa picks up enough coordination to manage a slow speed around the rink without anyone helping her.</p><p>After a few laps, she catches something. Barry gets recognized by a couple theatre fans and has to stop for pictures and autographs, which attracts a small crowd. But Emma just glides away.</p><p>She’s understanding more and more why Emma keeps this secret the way she does. If anyone even knew that Emma Nolan was at Rockefeller Center right now, it would create a full blown riot. Hundreds of people would be flocking to her for pictures and autographs. And rightfully so. Emma had written and released yet another song just a few days ago, and it had already managed to climb the charts to #7 by today. She was worth all of the stardom and more.</p><p>But all of that was never what Emma wanted. She just wants to come to Rockefeller Center with some friends. To glide the ice without anyone noticing her. To blend in. To be herself.</p><p>Her mind starts to wander to her and Emma’s future, whatever that’s supposed to mean. After all, she was being asked to keep this secret now for Emma. Could they ever hang out together with Kaylee and Shelby? Obviously Kaylee knew that she met Emma Nolan, but never got a good look at her that day in the airport, and Kaylee didn’t know they had continued hanging out almost every other day. What about her mom? Alyssa only liked to venture back to Indiana with a good support system to deal with it all; of course she would love Emma, her person, to come along the next time around. How would she explain who Emma was to her persistent mother without giving anything away?</p><p>And never mind even the prospect of being together, because Alyssa still hasn’t even addressed the feelings she has for Emma. She’s certain Emma doesn’t feel the same way, and it’s not what Emma wants. Not now. Alyssa tried to convince herself that perhaps she was just caught up in the wonder of hanging out with an actual celebrity. But she knew she was feeling all these things before even knowing who Emma really was. She knew she should just talk to Emma, but everything felt too complicated. And being with Emma was bringing more happiness out of her than she had ever had since she moved here. Maybe even in her life. Alyssa was not going to ruin that. Alyssa did not want to lose her.</p><p>Lost in her thoughts, Angie eventually makes her way up to Alyssa’s side. “You know, Miss Lys, I really cannot thank you enough,” Angie says plainly.</p><p>“For what?” Alyssa seems caught off guard.</p><p>“For you. For being you. For being in Emma’s life.”</p><p>“Oh gosh, Angie. It’s really nothing. I mean, surely I’m not the first person to be in Emma’s life.”</p><p>Angie doesn’t respond. Alyssa looks at her and her jaw tightens.</p><p>“I’m the first?” Alyssa looks taken aback.</p><p>“I mean, sure, there were a couple girls here or there that Emma would mention. But we never got to meet them because it never went very far, dating wise or friendship wise. No real connection. You’re the first one she’s let her guard down to, even more than the secret.”</p><p>Alyssa lets out a breath and tucks her gloved hands into her peacoat pockets. “It’s really me that should be saying how thankful I am that’s she’s in my life. Emma is amazing.”</p><p>“Yeah, she is a sweetheart, isn’t she?” Angie says.</p><p>“Really though.” Alyssa’s eyes catch sight of Emma on the other side of the rink, laughing with Barry as she tries to help him back onto his feet after a nasty fall. “Just so selfless and sympathetic. She’s quirky and sure, she’s a bit of a tease at times. But gosh the way she listens and cares so well. Not to mention she’s so funny, too. And so passionate about everything she does. I mean I’ve never met someone so talented in what they do, and yet she’s so modest about it at the same ti-”</p><p>Angie coughs, “Lys?”</p><p>Alyssa catches herself rambling. She turns her head towards Angie with widened eyes. She’s said too much. Oh God she’s really said too much now.</p><p>“Angie, I…”</p><p>“Lys, I’m not that naïve. I can see the way you both feel about each other.” Angie says sweetly.</p><p>Alyssa stiffens. “Both?”</p><p>“Honey. The way Emma looks at you? The way she can’t stop talking about you when she stops by the bar now? She’s more inspired and writing even more incredible music now, which I didn’t think was possible. Everything changed for her ever since that flight she had with you. I assume it’s mutual given you tolerate being with her crazy old people friends in order to be around her.” Angie nudges her shoulder.</p><p>“Oh gosh, Angie, that’s ridiculous. I love being with you guys.” she shakes her head. “But. I think I have to disagree with you on this one. Emma just wants to be friends. Nothing more.”</p><p>“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know, sweetie. But I do know two things. 1, that you are the first woman Emma has ever trusted enough to share her life with. And 2…” Angie grabs Alyssa’s hand as they continue to make their way down the length of the ice, “…is that I have never seen Emma this happy until she met you.”</p><p>Alyssa swallows. She’s starting to get a little dizzy with all this information to consider again. But Angie squeezes her hand reassuringly.</p><p>“Speaking of the sweetheart…” Angie adds peering behind her shoulder.</p><p>“Ah ha!!” Emma swoops in behind Alyssa to startle her, lacing her fingers around her waist and picking her up off the ice. Alyssa gives in to a fit of laughter, yelling ‘Put me down!’ but in a way that clearly signifies she doesn’t mean it. Emma spins them both around a few times before slowly lowering Alyssa back down to the ground, stationing them at the end of the rink to catch their breath.</p><p>But Emma doesn’t release her arms, keeping them held tightly around Alyssa’s waist as they face each other. Alyssa keeps one hand flat on Emma’s chest, the other secured at the lapel of Emma’s coat.</p><p>When Alyssa looks up, she finally recognizes just how close they are in this moment. They can’t be more than an inch away from each other’s faces, noses almost grazing. Alyssa sees Emma’s glasses starting to slip down the bridge of her nose and doesn’t even think before taking her flat hand currently on Emma up to readjust them for her. While her hand is up there, she caves into her impulse to fix a fly away blonde hair in Emma’s face. Alyssa’s fingers barely trace Emma’s cheekbone to tuck the hair into the side of the beanie.</p><p>Emma stares at her the whole time, hands still fixed safely around the small of Alyssa’s back, keeping the two of them almost flush against each other. Alyssa wonders how she can feel so at ease yet so on fire at the same time being this close to Emma. Everyone else around them disappears, and it’s only the two of them standing in this embrace. This has to be what pure magic feels like. Their proximity is electric all over again, giving Alyssa a sensation that shoots all the way down into her fingers and toes. Hopefully Emma doesn’t feel Alyssa’s heart pumping twice as fast as normal.</p><p>Alyssa is afraid the words that just spilled out with Angie might spill out right here in this intimate position with Emma. So she manages to keep herself quiet and just melt into Emma’s soft eyes, careful to not let them drop down to her lips to not give herself away. But all she wants in this moment is to finally see what Emma's lips taste like; she's been wondering for too long. </p><p>After several moments, Emma leans her forehead against Alyssa's and finally whispers, “I am so glad you are here.” She smiles in that warm and charming way again. Maybe it was just Alyssa hoping. Maybe it was in her head. But Alyssa swears she sees Emma’s eyes flicker down to her lips for just a moment.</p><p>“Me too.” Alyssa breathes against Emma’s lips, looking deeply at her, enchanted.</p><p>Emma slowly releases her hold on the brunette and lowers her hands to her sides. Emma pivots and continues her lap around the rink, pausing to help Dee Dee who is still not improved much since the beginning of their time there.</p><p>Alyssa keeps her feet planted and brings her hands up to her lips that are tingling. She glances across the rink and locks eyes with Angie, who gives one of her classic looks that confirms the only thing that is racing in Alyssa’s mind.</p><p>‘Wow.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Time to pick up the heat for the next chapter... Hopefully in a few days!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alyssa hears a knock at her front door. She pauses her current Netflix binge and looks at the clock. 10 o’clock at night… she wasn’t expecting any company. She gets up from her loveseat and swings it open.</p><p>It’s Emma.</p><p>“Emma? What are you doing here?”</p><p>Emma looks fundamentally different. She has a hungry look, almost ready to surge forward and Alyssa would not mind that one bit.</p><p>“I had to see you. And I had to tell you the truth. You know I can’t keep secrets from you.”</p><p>Alyssa swallows hard. “The truth?”</p><p>Emma takes a painfully slow step forward to approach Alyssa. She enters her space and comes nose to nose with her. She tilts her head like she’s moving in to finally press their lips together, but teases with the proximity by not making actual contact. She breathes against Alyssa’s lips, “The truth.”</p><p>Alyssa is now pooling heat in her abdomen. She can hardly contain herself, holding her breath and attempting to steady herself. Her eyes drift down to Emma’s lips. She barely gets out, “And what is the truth, Emma Nolan?”</p><p>Emma closes the door behind her without looking, spins them both around against the nearby wall, and restrains Alyssa’s hands with her own on each side of Alyssa’s head. She leans in to play with Alyssa’s earlobe with her teeth, which elicits a whimper from the back of Alyssa’s throat. Everything around them thick with desire. Alyssa is desperate for air, but is far more desperate for Emma. Emma, still by Alyssa’s ear, groans her answer to Alyssa’s question.</p><p>“That I need you. That I want you.”</p><p>Emma’s body is flush against Alyssa’s, pinning her in a way that Alyssa has lost all control and surrendered herself to everything Emma. Emma slips a leg in between Alyssa’s thighs, being careful not to add any additional pressure, more just to stabilize them both. Alyssa is thankful for that, as she’s certain her knees were about to buckle without Emma holding the both of them up. Emma keeps one hand secured on Alyssa’s two hands now above her head, and takes the other one to cup Alyssa’s face so affectionately. Alyssa instinctively turns into the touch to kiss Emma’s palm and tattooed wrist. Emma uses her hand to turn Alyssa to face her again, and the two lock eyes.</p><p>“That I’m in love with you, Alyssa Greene.”</p><p>Emma moves in ever so slowly to finally bridge the gap and give Alyssa her long-awaited kiss. Alyssa closes her eyes, ready to savor the taste of Emma when…</p><p>A ringing startles Alyssa into reality. She opens her eyes and realizes it’s happened yet again.</p><p>This was the 3rd time this month that Alyssa woke up to a rather hot and heavy dream involving Emma. It was becoming infuriating; at least this one ended prematurely.</p><p>The ringing is still going on, and Alyssa finally realizes that it’s her cell phone. She rolls over to grab the phone on her nightstand, unplugging it with her eyes still closed.</p><p>“Hhm.. Hello..?”</p><p>“Oh God, did I wake you up?”</p><p>It’s Emma.</p><p>Alyssa tries to wake herself up, rubbing her eyes and sitting upright. She turns to look at the alarm clock on the opposite nightstand. 10 o’clock in the morning. The irony.</p><p>“Ummmm… no?”</p><p>“Something tells me that’s not exactly the truth.”</p><p>“Okay I was asleep. Sorry. I was up all night with Jonathan, hammering some stuff out.”</p><p>“Oh. Wow, that’s umm.. That’s great? That’s.. good for you, Lys.” There’s some sudden resentment in her voice.</p><p>Alyssa realizes how that came across immediately and works to correct herself, “OH GOD NO. No no no, not like that. The new book. The warehouse noticed a few issues with printing and wanted us to make some really last minute edits.</p><p>“Oh. Oh okay. Whew. That would have made a little more sense I suppose,” Emma lets out a nervous laugh. Was that jealousy? “What did he ever say about your submission?”</p><p>Emma had finally encouraged Alyssa to submit a piece she had been working on to her boss for some feedback. The best case scenario is Jonathan would love it and send it out for publishing. The worst case scenario is absolutely nothing would happen. Unfortunately, the situation was more of the latter. “Not sure it’s left the corner of his desk since I put it there.” Alyssa mutters, “I’m not sure he’s ever going to get around to reading what I bring him. Becoming that renowned novelist is looking less and less real.”</p><p>Alyssa doesn’t hear anything on the line at first, but Emma eventually responds, “His loss. That draft is pure magic.”</p><p>“Thanks, Emma.” She smiles while scrunching fistfuls of her comforter. “With your pep talks, I might just still get to be an author one day. Just have to keep working at it, I suppose.”</p><p>“You’re always working, Greene. You need breaks to keep creative juices flowing. Speaking of, I’m already at O’Hare. Just thought you’d want to know that I got upgraded to an earlier flight today, so I could still do dinner tonight if you’re still interested?”</p><p>“Oh, that’s great! No, that’s great news!” Alyssa stumbles out of bed to get her day started. Emma had been gone the whole week in Chicago with a few potential new artists. It had been the longest the two hadn’t hung out together since… well, since meeting each other.</p><p>“Well, I could just come over to your place again?”</p><p>“NO!” Alyssa interjects, staring at her closed front door with images of what she was just dreaming minutes ago taking over. “I mean, you’ve been over here so many times, but um, I’ve never been to your place before! I mean I’ve never even seen where you sleep!” She facepalms. Nice save, Alyssa. Real smooth.</p><p>“Oh boy.” She hears Emma chuckle on the other line. “That is fair, probably strange that we’ve known each other for months now but you’ve been to Dee Dee’s place and not mine.” Emma pauses to consider the option of her place, “Yeah sure, come on over, we can cook something up, maybe put on a movie later! Maybe see you at 5ish?”</p><p>“See you then. And Emma?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Alyssa hugs herself and leans her head against her bedroom doorframe. “I’m glad you’re back.”</p><p>“Me too, Lys.”</p><p>• • •</p><p>Hanging out for hours in a day, a few days a week was becoming the new norm for the girls. But Alyssa’s feelings were only growing stronger at the increased time spent together. It was bittersweet. On one hand, she has never felt more comfortable to share and be with another human being in her life. On the other hand, that comfort was starting to blur the lines on their friendship. Emma still regarded her as a friend, but there were questionable moments that Alyssa always wished would lead to more. Her affections for Emma were only rising into what she could only suspect was love. Yes, she was falling in love with Emma Nolan.</p><p>Alyssa wasn’t at all completely and utterly terrified that she started using the “love” word when regarding how she felt about Emma.</p><p>When Alyssa makes it to Emma’s and buzzes herself up, the blonde is of course waiting with the door open for her arrival. Alyssa can’t help herself as she throws her arms around Emma’s neck. She plays with the back of Emma’s neck, while Emma’s arms swallow her up around her waist into a solid embrace. Alyssa catches a whiff of her; she still smells just like her Emma. They stay like that for a moment, silently. They don’t need words for this, because yes, even 6 days apart was far too long for both of them.</p><p>Alyssa finally pushes herself away to get a better look at Emma, “Hi.”</p><p>Emma gives her the biggest smile back, “Hi.”</p><p>“I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p>Alyssa finally releases herself and closes the door. “How was Chicago?”</p><p>“Great! Had some more time before meeting with the new clients, so I decided to take some time to enjoy some of the things I love about Chicago all over again. Just to get some more inspiration flowing for their albums, actually. So I did my artsy picture with the bean again, revisited the Art Institute, went up to the Sky Deck… well you know, you’ve been to Chicago before.” Emma starts to walk back towards a moderate sized but gorgeous kitchen.</p><p>“Yeah for work, not for fun. Geez, I’ve got so much more to see.” Alyssa leans up against the countertop on her elbows.</p><p>Emma stirs some food in a pot on the stove, “Well, maybe next time I’m headed there, and you aren’t also traveling those days, I could take you there?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’d love nothing more than to take you on adventures, Lys.” Emma says.</p><p>Damn it. She can’t quite hold herself together. Under Emma’s gaze, she’s practically powerless. She has to steer the conversation away from this. “So, this is your place?”</p><p>“Oh yeah!” Emma sets her tasting spoon down and throws her towel on the counter. “You’re first time here! Let me show you around! It’s not that extravagant, but it’s home!”</p><p>Surprisingly, Emma is right. It’s not that extravagant. But it’s nonetheless perfect. It’s just like Emma. Her living room has a large and insanely comfortable looking sectional, with warm colored rugs. Alyssa guesses she would have expected million dollar art on the walls, but instead, there’s a gallery wall of photos, just like at Angie’s place. Emma with an older woman, who she assumes is her grandmother. Emma with the Broadway gang. Some are just her own black and white photography that she appears to dabble in. The kitchen is awesome, and looks like a space Emma frequents in making food. There’s no dining room table, but a huge breakfast nook that lines the back wall that seems much more inviting for meals. Everything is very Emma.</p><p>“Oh, and because you were so specific to ask for where I sleep!” Emma walks them back and says with a clever smirk.</p><p>Emma has a king sized bed, with an illuminated palette platform underneath. There is a striking view of Manhattan with wall to wall widows. A grand door offers access to a small balcony where there are tons of hanging plants; Emma calls them her ‘babies’. Alyssa tries to keep her mind from wandering to one of the dreams she had last week if her and Emma had some space to work with in a big bed…</p><p>“And down the hall, is well, uh… my studio.”</p><p>Emma takes out a key and unlocks the back corner room of her apartment and swings the door open.</p><p>“So this is my main work space, most of the mixing happens here. There are two recording booths that I’ll put together guitar riffs and patterns, occasionally some synth or piano work. Some people go straight to computers to type up their lyrics but I find handwriting on sheet works a lot better for me…”</p><p>Honestly, Alyssa isn’t listening. She absolutely loves hearing how passionate Emma gets about her work. But right now, she’s just a little mesmerized by everything going on. It’s a professional grade studio, probably tens of thousands of dollars worth of equipment at least. But it’s really not even the money, because Alyssa makes a more than livable paycheck too. It’s that in this studio, Emma has probably written and produced the most popular music in the world right now.</p><p>Alyssa notices some shipment boxes lined up in the corner, some not even opened. When she walks over to them, her heart stops for a moment. They’re all awards. Albums going silver, gold, platinum. Emma has so many she couldn’t even hang them all on the walls of this room, even if she wanted to.</p><p>At first, it was a little easy to let her imagination go wild with thoughts of Emma. She thought she could maintain her friendship, while continuing to dream of being with her. But the studio seems to shake something in Alyssa that she wasn’t prepared for. You would think that being hit with this feeling of being starstruck would draw her even closer to Emma. Instead, it’s pushing her away.</p><p>Because now everything is starting to become a little too real. What was she even doing in THE Emma Nolan’s apartment? She wasn’t special enough to be in her presence. She wasn’t worthy enough to carry her secret. Emma is the most humble, passionate, and loving woman she has ever had the chance to meet. And that old voice sneaks back up into her head again…</p><p>‘You will never be enough for her.’</p><p>“Hey, you okay?”</p><p>Alyssa had spaced out in her thoughts again until Emma’s words brought her back, as she looks at her with genuine concern.</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.” Alyssa mumbles. “Are you hungry?”</p><p>Emma seems unsatisfied with Alyssa’s answer, but shrugs and sets down one of her sheets of music. “Starving.”</p><p>Throughout the rest of the evening, Alyssa is a little on edge. Eventually, after a delicious dinner and deciding on a movie, she eases up. They sit side by side on the sectional, shoulders grazing, but of course sharing the oversized blanket and a bowl of popcorn.</p><p>Alyssa’s glued to the movie when Emma speaks up about an hour in, “Hey Lys?”</p><p>“Yeah, what’s up?”</p><p>“So you know next week I can’t do movie night, right? I have something going on on Thursday.”</p><p>“Oh no sweat.” Alyssa says. “What are your big plans?”</p><p>“Well, it’s opening night for ‘Love Finds You’, that show I’ve been working on this month for Barry?”</p><p>Opening night of a Broadway show. As if she wasn’t struggling with being starstruck enough. She tries to hide it with an overly sarcastic remark, “Ooooo so watching Barry make a fool of himself on stage is more important than eating junk food in pajamas with me?” Alyssa winks with a somewhat forced smile.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, scrolling on Netflix for half an hour until we finally agree on something is far superior to watching Barry get tipsy at an excruciatingly loud cast party. It’s kind of just a formality for ‘Emma Nolan’ to be secretly be there, I guess. But it’s still really fun to see the show.” There’s silence for a couple minutes, until Emma musters up some courage to say, “Actually, the reason I mention it is…”</p><p>“What?” Alyssa is still oblivious, munching popcorn while staring at the television.</p><p>“…Emma Nolan is allowed to bring a +1.”</p><p>Alyssa gets it now. She lowers the popcorn bowl and turns to face Emma a bit more clearly.</p><p>“You don’t have to. Really. It’s just another show, but I went to previews and they do put on a really great show. Makes the music I wrote for it 1000 times better than it actually is. And cast parties will still be low key enough since they have to do a show the next day. But if you’re over it then we can leave early. Or we can do some dancing, if you’re into that. Or we can-” </p><p>“Emma.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Alyssa pauses. “Yes. I will come to your show’s opening night and party.”</p><p>Emma does it again, that thing where she’s able to look right through her. “Perfect.”</p><p>The two girls settle back into the silence of watching the show. Some way or another, Emma’s arm eventually finds itself stretched out along back of the couch, and sliding down behind Alyssa’s neck. The brunette notices light fingers strumming at her opposite shoulder, and dissolves into Emma’s likely unconscious strumming.</p><p>‘You will never be enough for her.’</p><p>Alyssa nestles further into the blonde’s side, and is ambitious enough to slide her hand down the length of Emma’s thigh, resting at the end and turning her thumbs in circles on her knee. Emma hums, and the noise is the most delightful sound Alyssa has heard all week.</p><p>‘You will never be enough for her.’</p><p>Emma reaches her free arm down to meet Alyssa’s explorative hand, and laces their fingers together. </p><p>‘You will never be enough for her. You will never be enough for her. You will never be enough for her.’</p><p>In a flash, Alyssa throws her portion of the blanket off of herself, “I just remembered though, that I, I actually should really be going.” Alyssa stands up from the couch in a hurry.</p><p>“Going?” Emma looks hurt. “Wait, did I do something? Lys please I-”</p><p>“No no, it’s just sort of getting late. And I totally forgot, I uh… I promised Jonathan that I wou-”</p><p>“Jonathan?” Emma interjects, perhaps with a touch of disdain.</p><p>“Yeah he messaged me a couple hours ago something about work again? The book still has some issues so I… I think I should just get going.”</p><p>It’s one of the first time Emma stands before her a little bit visibly broken. She’s sitting somewhere between twisted confusion and sad puppy dog now that Alyssa is grabbing her coat and purse, standing on the other side of the room. Emma opens her mouth for a moment as if she’s going to say something, but she closes it again. She runs her fingers through her hair and scratches at the back of her neck, hiding all the disappointment in her face as best she can.</p><p>“Okay. I understand, Lys.”</p><p>Alyssa wishes she could cross the room, cup her face, and kiss every last worry off of it. She wishes she could be lifted up into Emma’s strong arms and wrap her legs all the way around her to be carried away to her bedroom. She wishes she could feel Emma on top of her, pinning her into her king sized bed. She wishes she could spend the rest of this night showing Emma just how much she loves her, and wake up tangled up in Emma tomorrow morning to show her just how much she wants to be here.</p><p>But after being completely overwhelmed by everything else tonight, Alyssa is not ready to let down those walls. All she can spit out is, “Emma, you know how much I care about you.”</p><p>Emma looks up briefly and offers a half smile, fidgeting with the hem of her flannel. “I care about you too, Lys.”</p><p>Alyssa takes a step forward to leave enough space between them but enough to reach her hand to Emma’s, grabbing hers to say, “And I’m REALLY looking forward to being your date next week.”</p><p>Emma’s smile grows a little and she squeezes her hand in excitement, “You are?”</p><p>Alyssa smiles back. “I am.”</p><p>After making sure she had all her things, she makes her way towards the door as Emma walks her out. Before leaving, she pivots back and says, “And Emma? That means this time around, you’re going to need to let me in on some more specifics on what is considered appropriate attire.”</p><p>Emma smiled before handing a container of leftovers sitting on the counter over. “I never tell you because I know you’ll look breathtaking in you wear.”</p><p>Alyssa purses her lips in thought for a moment, then replies, “Then I’ll let you know specifics this time! You’ll probably want an ensemble that goes with soft purple. Probably like a lavender? Oooo or maybe more like lilac.”</p><p>Emma chuckles at Alyssa’s ability to bypass her compliment and get straight to the down and dirty details, “As you wish, Alyssa Greene.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alyssa Greene, you have SO many details to fill me in on.”</p><p>Alyssa dramatically throws open the curtain of the dressing room to give Kaylee a ‘don’t bother’ look. She turns to the rest of the dresses on the rack, snags 2 more, and returns to the dressing room.</p><p>“Alyssa. Seriously girl. Why bring me here if I don’t even get to know the dets of this shopping trip.” Kaylee crosses her arms across her chest and taps the toe of her stiletto in frustration.</p><p>Alyssa calls out from the other side of the curtain. “Because you’re a good friend, Kaylee. Because you said you wouldn’t pry. Because it’s difficult situation that you’re just going to have to believe me in. Because-”</p><p>“Because you’re scared?”</p><p>“I am not scared. I am being protective of the involved individuals.”</p><p>“Of her? Or of you?”</p><p>A moment of silence between them, so Kaylee attempts to diffuse the tension.</p><p>“Lys. Babes. I'm not an idiot. I know there's probably a pretty special lady related to this collection of sexy ensembles. Now I have been holding onto nearly 12 years worth of secrets for you without fail. Hell, your mother still doesn’t know about the time you snuck out of the house for the weekend in 10th grade to drive up to the Indy Pride parade, because I backed you up with the most intricate cover story about a surprise cheerleading lock in. Does she even know that you’re gay to this day, or did my lie manage all these years?”</p><p>Alyssa throws open the curtain and steps out of the dressing room once again, takes one glance at her second dress and is immediately not pleased. She steps off the pedestal facing the semi-circle of mirrors. “That is… a little bit of a dig? But probably fair.” she murmurs.</p><p>“The point is…”Kaylee helps Alyssa with her zipper, “…is that I have always had your back. Always have. Always will.” Kaylee spins her around and grabs her by the shoulders to look her square in the eyes, “And I promise I’d have it now if you let me.”</p><p>Alyssa pauses. “Thanks, Kaylee. And I do trust you, really. With just about any secret in the world. This one is just not mine to tell. I just need you to trust me that the event this person is bringing me to requires a jaw-dropping dress, and I must find it TODAY.”</p><p>Alyssa returns to the dressing room for a final time. She pulls down the dress she had been saving for last off the hanger. She had a good feeling about this one. Lavender, like she wanted. To the floor in length. In another life, it could have been a really glamorous bridesmaid dress. But the additional shimmer throughout and the slit up to Alyssa’s mid thigh definitely suggests Hollywood event. It’s a mermaid bodice at her waist, but the feature that could kill is the full sleeve, with a single shoulder neckline that cuts through the middle. Situating herself in the gown, she steps out onto the pedestal for the first real look.</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>“Damn, girlfriend. I mean, that one is fire. That one is elegant. That one is-”</p><p>“It’s the one.”</p><p>Kaylee smirks, noticing Alyssa’s eyes glued on the mirror, and ventures to test her theory. “You know… I think Emma is going to love it.”</p><p>“Do you think so? Her favorite color is purple so I know that she’d have something to easily go with it, but also to catch her eye a little, and so-”</p><p>Shit.</p><p>“I KNEW IT!! I abso-fucking-lutely knew it!!”</p><p>Before Kaylee can begin her full blown expletive parade in the whole store, Alyssa snags her wrist and yanks her into the dressing room. It’s tight, certainly not meant for 2 bodies in here, but it will have to do in calming Kaylee down.</p><p>Once Kaylee catches her breath, she finally focuses the conversation in to get answers from Alyssa. “I KNEW something was going on with you and fucking Emma Nolan. How!? When?!?”</p><p>“Since the airport.”</p><p>“Well I knew that part, dork, I meant how did you get her to hook up with you?”</p><p>“We have NOT hooked up. It’s not like that.”</p><p>Kaylee raises an eyebrow and purses her lips. “You’re trying to tell me ‘it’s not like that’ while standing dressed in this number?”</p><p>An angry voice arises out of Alyssa that neither of them expect. “It’s not like that for HER, Kaylee!! I guess! I- I don’t know…”</p><p>Kaylee softens. “Oh.” She can tell her probing went too far. Alyssa’s outburst generates a single tear down her cheek. Kaylee wipes it away with her thumb. “Oh honey…”</p><p>“We’ve been friends since we shared a row together on our flight from San Francisco back home. Because that’s what Emma wanted. That’s what Emma needed. But I’ve wanted to be more since we first laid eyes on each other in the lobby.” Alyssa is nearly sobbing, but is managing to hold it together well enough to get her explanation out. “It’s like we knew. Like we knew we were meant for each other.”</p><p>Kaylee shuffles through Alyssa’s purse in the corner of the dressing room to find a Kleenex and hands it to her. “Well then what’s stopping you both from doing that?”</p><p>“It’s so complicated. When we first started hanging out, Emma didn’t have anyone. It’s like I’m the first person she confided anything about her life to. And I mean, she’s Emma Nolan. Emma Nolan the writer, the producer, the international icon.”</p><p>“And you’re Alyssa Greene! Don’t start spewing all that shit, thinking that you’re not also the total package!”</p><p>Alyssa sheds a few more tears, whispering, “Kaylee… I… I think I’m falling in love with her.”</p><p>Kaylee stands up a little taller, shifting weight on her heels, and simply states, “Wow.”</p><p>“I know. It’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“No, I mean, wow. You’re saying that like there’s something wrong with it, Lys. I mean, who the fuck else in the world can say that they have gotten to meet, let alone fall in love with Emma Nolan?”</p><p>Alyssa’s head sinks. “But she doesn’t-”</p><p>“Uh uh. None of that bullshit, Lys.” Kaylee immediately lifts her face up by her chin. “Because I bet you’re being some kind of gay idiot thinking she ‘absolutely doesn’t have any feelings or want to take things further or want anything to do with me or blah blah blah’ but I’m not having it. I mean I assume this is the woman you’ve been hanging with over our club nights on Fridays? So you’re obvi spending loads of time together. You can’t tell me you haven’t had some sort of slow burn lesbian love story in the works?”</p><p>“I suppose we’ve had a few moments… Maybe some near kisses…”</p><p>“Oh for heaven’s sake. I don’t care if she’s Emma Nolan or Emma Watson or who the fuck ever, Lys! You’re a catch, and there is no way in hell she doesn’t also have feelings for you.”</p><p>“You truly think that?”</p><p>“Please. You could make straight girls turn in this dress, girl.”</p><p>Before Alyssa’s head can start overthinking, she pulls Kaylee into a deep hug. Even as complicated as everything was, Kaylee really did have her back through all of it. Sure, aggressive in her love at times. But love none the less. It didn’t make everything perfect; she still didn’t necessarily believe Emma could be in love with her. Maybe there was at least something there to keep building between them. But regardless, she did feel a lot better letting it out to someone.</p><p>“Hey. I know you’re in love and all, but I’ve only seen the back of this woman’s hair at this point. If you can’t fill me in on anything, would she at least be good enough for my Lys?”</p><p>Still in their embrace, Alyssa replies, “She is perfect.”</p><p>“Makes you happy?”</p><p>Thoughts drift to Emma for a moment. “She makes me happier than I think I have ever been.”</p><p>“Perfect.” Kaylee squeezes her one last time.</p><p>“So now what?” Alyssa asks stepping back from their hug, while cleaning the clearly not waterproof makeup off her face.</p><p>“Now… I’m going to buy this absolutely spectacular gown for you.” Kaylee says while toying with the fabric and eyeing Alyssa in the mirror.</p><p>Alyssa manages a grin. “And then?”</p><p>“And then…” Kaylee gives her the biggest smile from ear to ear, lacking no confidence when she says, “…you’re gonna go get your girl.”</p><p>• • •</p><p>Tonight was the night.</p><p>Even though he was unrelenting at times, Jonathan managed to have enough mercy to let Alyssa take the afternoon off today and the whole day off on Friday so Alyssa could properly enjoy herself. It had only taken her maybe an hour or two to get ready, but since she started almost 4 hours ahead of time, she was forced to sit waiting in anticipation for Emma to pick her up. It leaves a lot of time for thinking, and unfortunately, anxiety.</p><p>Kaylee managed to talk down many of her nerves over the phone a while ago; it was definitely nice to have everything off her chest and someone she could talk to about this whole situation.</p><p>There was something about Kaylee’s pep talk during dress shopping that did strike her. The mom joke was just Kaylee’s firey sense of humor, she knew that. But it did resonate a little bit too much. She realized she wasn’t just scared about the idea of bringing Emma home as a friend. She was scared of bringing Emma home as more. She always figured her mom would pick up on it one day, that there were never any men in her life that came. That Alyssa never talked about men. She didn’t find it necessary to, but maybe it was going to be a necessary conversation for her mother to understand. That she was never going to live up to her ridiculous expectations.</p><p>She picks up her phone, and dials her mother. As usual, she picks up before the 2nd ring even finishes.</p><p>“Sweetheart! Hello, superstar!”</p><p>“Hi mom.”</p><p>“How are you my darling? Been a minute since we’ve had a good chat! Shall I pour a glass and we catch up?"</p><p>“I can’t talk for very long, Mom. It really shouldn’t be a big deal but I need to say something anyway.”</p><p>“What is it sweetheart? Are you okay? What’s going on?” Alyssa’s mother’s voice is laced with appropriate concern.</p><p>“Oh it’s fine. I mean, I think it should be. The thing is…” Alyssa hesitates; she realizes it’s now or never. “Mom, I think I might have met someone.”</p><p>“Oh my GOODNESS how exciting!! Tell me all abou-”</p><p>“I met a woman.”</p><p>There’s nothing, not even static to comfort them on the line. Complete silence.</p><p>“And regardless of where it goes, I just figured you should know that I want to be with a woman. I’m gay. I’ve always been gay. I’ve never told you because I didn’t think I ever really needed one of those big coming out stories or whatever but I couldn’t live with a feeling of you not knowing who I really am. I just want to be me. And I want that to be enough. I just want to be enough for you.”</p><p>Alyssa’s mother is still quiet, but Alyssa think she might be able to make out a sniffle on the other end. Finally, Alyssa prompts her. “Mom?”</p><p>“Oh honey. You have always been enough for me.”</p><p>Alyssa was not expecting that. “Mom? What about the whole being gay thing?”</p><p>“Lys, dear, I always had my suspicions. Truth be told, back when I first was suspecting it, I wasn’t ready for that. I thought you were confused. But I came around. And I knew that I always would love you as my daughter, and that would be enough for me to eventually understand.”</p><p>Now Alyssa is holding back tears.</p><p>“You’re okay with that, Mom?”</p><p>“Sweetheart, I’m just so proud of you. What you did was really brave.”</p><p>Alyssa dabs a Kleenex under her eyes to prevent smearing. “All I did was say I was a lesbi-”</p><p>“No.” Alyssa’s mother stops her softly. “What you did that was brave, was tell me how you felt. You were honest with me. You opened up to me about wanting to be enough. That's all I ever want. And I know I was always about tough love and pushing you to your fullest potential. I’m not the easiest parent, I know. I just always wanted the best for you. ” Alyssa breaks at her mother’s last words. “But Lys, you always have been and always will be enough for me.”</p><p>“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too. NOW, you have to at least tell me SOMETHING about this woman you met. It’s the first romantic interest you’ve EVER shared with me. What’s she like?”</p><p>“Considering she’ll be here in less than 5 minutes, I think it’s going to have to be another night that I tell you about her. I promise. Next time I call.”</p><p>“Phooey. Next time, I suppose.”</p><p>Alyssa hits end, and tucks her phone back into her clutch.</p><p>Not exactly how she imagined her waiting time for Emma to go, but now she felt renewed. Refreshed. Like she finally received what she had been longing for for so long. And sure, she never truly had to have her mother’s validation anymore. But maybe this was a hidden weight that she didn’t know she needed lifted. Not just about being gay. About being successful at work. At school. With everything in life. Her mother loved her for her. It might have been just the thing she needed to enter the evening with Emma with complete freedom of who she was.</p><p>A knock at the door. Alyssa takes one last look at herself in the mirror, reapplies some lipstick, a quick twirl to let the fabric dance in the air. Finding herself now more satisfied with what she sees in the reflection, she opens the door.</p><p>As the door opens, she can’t help but think Emma is more than satisfied with what she sees.</p><p>“Oh my God.”</p><p>Alyssa smiles. She realizes that she’s managed to take control of the moment, as her look has sparked Emma’s eyes even more than usual. “Like?”</p><p>It’s as if Emma cannot find any more words in the English language to respond. “Oh my God.”</p><p>Alyssa giggles at the effect she can have on Emma Nolan. She takes the time to take in Emma’s look as well, and her mouth goes dry. She has her hands in the pockets of a navy blue suit, clearly tailored. The blazer is unbuttoned, exposing the sparkling dark blue straight tie, and with accents of purple just as Alyssa requested. It’s like they were made for each other…</p><p>“So…” Emma starts.</p><p>“So…” Alyssa echoes back.</p><p>Emma smiles. She holds out a steady hand. “Ready?”</p><p>“Ready.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Gonna be some more time before the next chapter, but excited for where it's heading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alyssa always knew just enough about theatre to keep up with conversations with Kaylee. Kaylee seemed to know the in and outs of just about everything Broadway; it was usually required for her radio work to keep up with everything music, film, TV, and theatre wise.</p><p>But at the end of the day, Alyssa scraped by in her knowledge, as she was usually too consumed with new books and their bestselling authors. So it’s actually a shame to say that this was actually her first time seeing a show.</p><p>Emma made arrangements for a ride to bring them both there. Once they arrived, it was clearly not the producer’s first rodeo with navigating all the excitement. Paparazzi were everywhere. Flashes of light, big banners and backdrops of the show’s artwork, the whole cast getting interviewed. In passing, Alyssa swore she caught sight of Barry in a slick black suit and tie absolutely covered in sparkles, laughing with some woman holding up a microphone to his face.</p><p>Thank goodness Emma wasn’t getting nearly as distracted as Alyssa was, because before she knew it, the blonde had led them through a crowd into what appeared a stage door entrance. Emma flashed a badge which seemed to gratify a security guard and they continued to the main lobby. They bypassed several more lines until Emma was finally leading Alyssa into their seats. Now she may not know that much about theatre, but she does know this: sitting in the smack dab middle of the orchestra was probably one of the most coveted seats in the house.</p><p>The two girls spent a moment perusing the Playbill, and Alyssa further acquainted herself with the show’s general concept. Generally, Emma didn’t discuss the details of her work. Alyssa gazed over at her, the blonde’s eyes squinted and studying the stage now.</p><p>“You’re cute when you’re perplexed.” Alyssa said while nudging her with her elbow, to which turns to look at her cocking her head to the side. They both laugh, and Emma returns to staring intensely at the stage.</p><p>“What is it?” Alyssa asks.</p><p>“I’m trying to figure out what changes they’ve made the set, because I’m certain something is different about it since previews.”</p><p>Alyssa looked onto the stage as well, and sighed. She leaned over and whispered near Emma’s ear, “How often do you go to your own shows?”</p><p>Emma leaned in as well and Alyssa could feel her breath on her neck, “Often enough. But this is the first time I haven’t gone alone.” To that, Emma grabs Alyssa’s hand and brings it up to her face to give it a soft kiss, before returning it to rest on the armrest of the seat.</p><p>“That’s… impossibly sweet. I’m glad I could come.” Alyssa smirks.</p><p>“I’m glad you came. I’m always glad you’re with me, Alyssa.” Emma returns her hand back to Alyssa’s to lace them together, holding them while resting on the armrest.</p><p>Alyssa can hear something in Emma’s voice, along with reading Emma’s actions, that she might be overthinking. But she thinks it’s desire. It’s certainly new to her, but Emma with desire is everything Alyssa could possibly want.</p><p>Before her thoughts can drift much further, the lights go down, the overture comes on, and the curtain lifts. Showtime.</p><p>• • •</p><p>Alyssa had been to parties. High school proms, college frat mixers, even some obligatory birthday bar crawls with her work friends. But nothing, absolutely nothing has it on cast and crew celebrations. I mean, who knew how to dance except for real dancers?</p><p>And after what Alyssa could only determine to be a flawless performance, they had obviously earned it. Alyssa was still spinning from the show, and the music Emma wrote was sure to be stuck in her head for days. Songs about bravery, hope, redemption. Songs of about love. Forbidden love. Bold love.</p><p>Barry was already clearly beginning to enjoy himself when Alyssa spotted him. They must have mutually locked eyes, because he managed to cross the crowded dance floor and stumble into the girls space. He managed a few twirls and catwalk-like poses before finally stopping to laugh at himself. In the midst of all their laughter, he brings Emma in for a big hug and the two exchange some sentimental words regarding the show. They always seemed to have a special connection, anyone could see that. After a few minutes, Barry was pulled away into another conversation congratulating him on his performance.</p><p>“How many drinks do you think he has had tonight??” Alyssa yells over the music.</p><p>“Probably zero. Barry doesn’t need alcohol to conjure up a wild attitude. He’ll be sober the whole time and probably still do the wildest shit here tonight.” Emma giggled.

</p><p>"And how about you, Broadway legend Nolan? Do you usually go crazy at these sorts things?" Alyssa grinned.</p><p>"I have maybe one good dance move to my name, but I do bust it out particularly for these occasions." Emma smirked back. She motions towards the bar, “Do you want anything?”</p><p>“I’d take a glass of champagne if they have it!” Alyssa responds.</p><p>“Coming right up!” Emma turns towards the bar.</p><p>Alyssa uses the break from Emma to check her phone. Her mom sent a reassuring text message about being so thankful for such an honest and caring daughter. Hard to believe in the mix of spectacular night that coming out to her mother did in fact happen shortly before she left. Kaylee also sent her a text… a series of suggestive emojis, of course.</p><p>It wasn’t like the thought didn’t cross Alyssa’s mind. She cleaned up her apartment extensively yesterday in the chance that the night would lead back to either one of their places…</p><p>But she didn’t want to jump the gun. She wasn’t even sure she was ready for something like that. Imagining it was one thing. But finally putting it into action with Emma Nolan was going to take levels of courage that Alyssa didn’t know she had. Maybe Emma would meet her halfway; maybe she did feel something too. But maybe couldn’t be enough. She didn’t want to mess this up. She had to be careful.</p><p>When Emma returns with two champagne glasses in hand, she has the brightest smile on her face. They clink glasses in an unspoken toast to the evening. Emma eventually leans in with hot breath next to Alyssa’s ear, whispering something in the middle of the chaotic room.</p><p>“Do you want to dance?” Emma says.</p><p>All the brunette could do was nod.</p><p>Emma drags Alyssa through a crowd of dancing people, finding a spot on the floor that gives enough breathing room and isn’t directly in front of the speakers. Alyssa doesn’t know half of the people she is dancing next to, but it seems everyone could care less. One of the leads she just saw earlier on stage is teaching her some new moves, encouraging Alyssa in hip shaking moves she’s not sure she’s done in years. Two other cast teach her a small portion of choreography, which she catches on to.</p><p>It’s been nearly a half hour of dancing, and the body rolling moves have started to grow on Alyssa. And with her inhibitions gently loosened with two glasses of champagne, she finds herself rolling her body closer and closer to Emma, dancing closely behind her. Turns out the body rolling moves were starting to grow on Emma, too.</p><p>Alyssa turns to face her and the two continue dancing. Neither of them say anything, but their bodies do all the communicating they need. Alyssa playfully tugs at Emma’s jacket and lets her arms extend all the way up to toss around her own brown curls. She was loving the effect it had on her. Emma keeps her eyes locked before stationing her hands on Alyssa’s hips continuing to move them to the music. At that shocking move, Alyssa’s hands drop to Emma’s shoulders. There they are again, in this electric field of energy, nose-to-nose with every intention to bridge their gap.</p><p>Except this time, to Alyssa’s surprise, Emma’s intentions became real.</p><p>Emma leans in seductively slow. Alyssa's breath hitches, but she closes her eyes at the contact of what can only be Emma’s impossibly soft lips.</p><p>All of Alyssa’s wonder is finally satisfied in strawberry-tinted lips that have taken in her in to an electrifying kiss. For once, Alyssa is indulging. Carefree as she dives into the feeling of Emma kissing her. She dives in further with hunger, causing Emma to let out the most subtle moan that Alyssa can somehow hear above the music. Probably because it’s the most delightful sound she has ever heard. And she needs more of it.</p><p>One of Emma’s hands roams to Alyssa’s face to ever so lightly lift her chin. At the motion, Alyssa instinctively relaxes into her and her lips unconsciously part. There’s a minute pause before Emma seizes the opportunity of parted lips to nip at Alyssa’s bottom lip and then tilt her head to kiss her more firmly. Alyssa pulls at jacket lapels desperate for this moment, letting out a soft moan in harmony with Emma’s symphony of delicious sounds.</p><p>This was actually happening. Emma Nolan. The woman who found her that day in the airport. The woman that fate might have brought them together. The woman who she shared her life with day in and day out. The woman who trusted her. Who made her laugh. Who comforted her. Who pushed her potential. Who made her life feel like a grand adventure. Who saw Alyssa for who she really was. Who saw her, and wanted every part of it. Emma Nolan was kissing her. This wasn’t a dream. This was real.</p><p>And unfortunately, that instantaneous realization was all it took to bring Alyssa back out of her feelings and freak herself out of it.</p><p>“Wait…” Alyssa mumbled against eager lips.</p><p>Emma jumped back faster than Alyssa was anticipating. Her eyes were wide, shot with surprise and words begin stumbling out, “Alyssa, I- I’m so sorry I didn’t me- I didn’t mean to do that.”</p><p>For a moment, in the middle of the beat drops and confetti poppers, the two look at each other. Alyssa doesn’t know if she wants to pull Emma in for another series of kisses, to relish in everything she just felt. Or to confess her feelings on the spot. Or to play everything off as cool and attempt redemption with the situation.</p><p>Instead, she runs away towards the door.</p><p>She is halfway down the hallway when Emma catches up to her, clearly chasing after her and slightly out of breath.</p><p>“Lys, hold up a second…”</p><p>“I can’t do this Emma.” Alyssa pivots sharply and stops Emma from saying another word.</p><p>“Can’t do what?” </p><p>“I can’t do this. I was never supposed to do this.” Emotions are flooding out violently and Alyssa is doing everything she can to pace her breathing to prevent a full blown panic attack. “We were never supposed to end up meeting in the first place, remember!? I never wanted to go any further with this! That day! I never wanted to involve myself, because I’m a mess and everything that I make is a mess! But with the flight games and the shows and being your friend and I didn’t see a way out because Jesus, you’re Emma Nolan and-” Alyssa’s brain can’t keep up with her words. There is no filter at this point. “And I’m terrified and confused and overthinking everything all the time with you and I can’t. I can’t actually be with you.”</p><p>“Alyssa, do you really mean that you don’t-”</p><p>“I could never be with someone like you, Emma Nolan!!”</p><p>Everything freezes. The statement electrocutes the both of them, enough for Emma to stagger a step backwards, putting her hand across her own heart. Emma has tears welling up in her eyes, which of course brings Alyssa to start completely sobbing.</p><p>“Okay. That’s okay. Lys, I am so sorry to have made you uncomfortable. Perhaps I was being selfish. I just thought… thought that maybe there was something special between us. I thought you felt it too.”</p><p>Wait, what?</p><p>“But I was wrong. Maybe I misread if you were into women or maybe it was simply just me. But I was wrong. I am so sorry.”</p><p>Oh God. “Wait. Wait, Emma, please that’s not how I meant that. I meant I could never because…” Alyssa moves forward, looking to lace her hands around a heartbroken Emma’s neck.</p><p>Emma steps away before Alyssa can reach her. “Seriously. I get it. I understand, and you don’t have to worry about me. I should have respected your wishes and kept my distance. I see that now and I promise I will do it.”</p><p>A deep and heartbreaking pause. Emma can’t even look up to lock eyes at this point, but the hallway lighting is just enough for Alyssa to see a glistening tear glide down her face. It kills every part of her.</p><p>Eventually, Emma pushes up her glasses at the bridge of her nose and her voice cracks a little. “You, uh, you can stay as long as you like, and you take my ride back to your apartment. I’ll, um, I’ll go say bye to Barry and be on my way.”</p><p>Before Alyssa can get a single word out, Emma doubles back down the hallway with hands in her pockets, head hanging down. She turns into the set of double doors, and she’s gone.</p><p>Alyssa just made a huge mistake, and might have lost the best thing that has ever happened to her. She might have just lost Emma Nolan.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Took FOREVER just had a lot of things going on the past few weeks but EEK!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Come on, dork. You’ve got to talk to someone about all this. Talk to me.”</p><p>Kaylee sits herself up on Alyssa’s desk. With no new manuscripts in, work was moving a little slower than usual. This didn’t work well for Alyssa, who typically needed to keep herself busy in order to keep her mind off of things, especially from what happened Thursday. Kaylee dropped by occasionally on these rather sluggish days, which seemed to be becoming more frequent, and thankfully usually brought coffee. The window behind them was starting to get painted with rain droplets from a late spring shower.</p><p>Alyssa wasn’t saying much since Kaylee got there. She truly didn’t have much to say. She was still processing the other night. Mourning it, if you will.</p><p>“Lys, really. Please talk to me.” Kaylee says to bring her in from zoning out.</p><p>Alyssa stares at her and stands up from her office chair, walking to the other corner of the office. “It just didn’t work out.”</p><p>“Didn’t work out how?”</p><p>Alyssa takes a breath and unravels the whole evening while walking over to file a stack of papers, “We were having a great time. In fact, normally there’s barely anything worthy enough to be considered flirting between us but that night… that night was different. There was leaning in and hand holding and dancing and-”</p><p>Kaylee straightens up a little. “And?”</p><p>“And kissing. Things got a little heated on the dance floor and well, she kissed me.”</p><p>Kaylee’s jaw practically drops to the floor. “Shut. Up.”</p><p>The rush of her kiss with Emma comes back to her. The way she gently stabilized them both with her hands. Looking at her not just with lust, but with love. She bites her lip at the thought, and shakes her head. She busies herself with more filing.</p><p>“So why so blue, bitch?!” Kaylee edges on.</p><p>Alyssa doesn’t say anything as she sorts through the cabinet. But confusion washes off of Kaylee, as if somehow she can immediately guess what went wrong.</p><p>“Oh Lys, tell me you didn’t freak.”</p><p>Alyssa screws her eyes shut tight. “I panicked. Bad. I ran out the door and I said a bunch of stuff that came out completely wrong.”</p><p>“Like?”</p><p>“Like that I couldn’t be with someone like her.”</p><p>“Oh shit…”</p><p>“And of course I meant it about her status and our friendship and not jeopardizing all of that. But then she thought that it wasn’t mutual. That I wasn’t into girls or into her or whatever. And then…” She sighs again, swallowing hard. “And then it was her turn to run away. And I went home to continue my pity party accompanied by a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream.”</p><p>“So why don’t you pick up your phone right now and talk to her?!”</p><p>Alyssa drops a stack of files onto the desk. “Because I hurt her, Kaylee. I broke her trust. And maybe she just needs time. Maybe she wants the space. Maybe it was the alcohol or just a big understanding that’ll blow over. Or maybe we’re just not a good match; me dating a secret celebrity, can you imagine… Kaylee, maybe we’re just not right for each other.”</p><p>Alyssa is saying a mess of incoherent words at this point just to numb the blow of going so long without hearing Emma’s voice. Seeing her face. Being held in one of her passionate embraces. She knew just how good Emma was for her. How she made her feel about herself and made her laugh and just cared so deeply for her. And how much she enjoyed being with her, the sparks and crackles in the air when they shared the same space. The comfort of her arms around her and her gaze looking through her.</p><p>But she wasn’t hearing from Emma because she said she was going to “respect her wishes and keep her distance”. Which meant it was going to take all of Alyssa’s bravery to mend this. And even if nothing happened, at the very least, Emma deserved to know the truth. The truth of how she felt about her.</p><p>‘You will never be enough for her.’</p><p>God she hated that voice. Over and over again, a broken record echoing in her mind. It felt like the thought was berating her more and more each day, probably trying to convince her not to pick up the phone and talk to Emma. And unfortunately, it was working. She couldn’t keep up this battle much more. Either way, Alyssa was going to cave to either moving forward with Emma, or moving on from Emma.</p><p>Alyssa opens her mouth to continue her defense, when something chimes from Kaylee’s purse.</p><p>“Hold up,” Kaylee digs around all the crap in her Mary Poppins bag, looking at her phone inquisitively, “It’s work. I’ve gotta take this.”</p><p>Kaylee usually drones on and on when on the phone. So Alyssa picks up her coffee and wanders.</p><p>She peeks into her boss’s office. Jonathan called out sick for the day without much in depth explanation. Curiosity catches her as she walks to his desk. Cluttered as usual. He wasn’t a very organized guy to say the least. But her curiosity catches sight of something on the corner of the desk that splinters her spirit.</p><p>Her draft.</p><p>Still sealed in a large envelope with the sticky note ‘Would love your recommendations!’ on the outside. It hasn’t even been opened.</p><p>For a long time, Alyssa used to think Jonathan was a phenomenal boss to work for. Driven, passionate, focused on creating a successful enterprise for new books. But gradually, it became more and more about money and less and less about the books. The art of reading and writing used to be all over this company, but now, Jonathan was clearly more concerned in quantity over quality. And the whole staff felt it, given being overworked and underpaid. Over the past several months, Alyssa was finally beginning to realize that someone like Jonathan was never what she really wanted. She wanted a boss that pushed her creatively. That gave her room to grow. That appreciated what she brought to the team.</p><p>That saw her.</p><p>Kaylee swung around the doorframe, startling her. “Lys. Do you have a radio nearby?” Kaylee asks almost aggressively.</p><p>“What year do you think it is, Kaylee?” Alyssa responds with a laugh.</p><p>“Well do you have a computer that can play the station online?! Like now?!” Kaylee looks exasperated.</p><p>“Okay jeez calm down!!” Alyssa hastens back over to her desk, gets her laptop open, and hits what she is looking for with a quick Google search.</p><p>“Hey hey listeners, hope y’all are getting over these Monday blues in the city. Rain rain, go away. Or maybe you’re enjoying the pitter patter on your apartment windows curling up with a blanket? With a book? Even with a special someone? If this is you, man do I have your new song of the week!”</p><p>“Kaylee what is so impor-”</p><p>“Just listen, Lys.”</p><p>“Our Hit of the Week comes in by a new artist, but of course is produced by the Emma Nolan, who dropped this beautiful song just this morning. So grab your sweetheart and sway the night away with this brand new track, ‘Dance With You’!”</p><p>A guitar strums in with beautiful open tuning. A piano softly pads in the background giving more texture to the intro. It’s clearly meant to be a heartwarming ballad.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t want to start a riot, I don’t want to blaze a trail</em><br/>
<em>I don’t want to be a symbol or cautionary tale</em><br/>
<em>I don’t want to be a scapegoat for people to oppose</em><br/>
<em>What I want is simple, as far as wanting goes</em>
</p><p>Now Alyssa recognizes the that gorgeous guitar strumming. She recognizes the piano. She’s even identifying the mixing and stylistic details because she’s beginning to recognize the particular way Emma produces. But the part that gets her?</p><p>It’s Emma voice.</p><p>
  <em>I just want to dance with you</em><br/>
<em>Let the whole world melt away and dance with you</em><br/>
<em>Who cares what other people say</em><br/>
<em>And when we’re through</em><br/>
<em>No one can convince us we were wrong</em><br/>
<em>All it takes is you and me, and a song</em>
</p><p>Alyssa grabs at her chest with both hands. She hears Emma singing, boldly. She has never heard Emma like this, but it’s what she has always hoped was inside of her. Her confession of feelings through song is elegant and simple and truly them. It just feels like the song was made for them.</p><p>Oh God, did Emma write this song for Alyssa over the weekend?</p><p>
  <em>I don’t need a big production, streamers hanging in the air</em><br/>
<em>I don’t need to spend the night with confetti in my hair</em><br/>
<em>I don’t need a room of people that I don’t even know</em><br/>
<em>I just want to hold you, and never let you go</em>
</p><p>Emma wrote this song for Alyssa. And she knew that Alyssa would be the only of the few people in the whole world to know it was her. Putting herself out there with her music, but also confessing everything she wanted with her.</p><p>
  <em>Two people swaying slowly, nothing more and nothing less</em><br/>
<em>Why anybody fears that is anybody’s guess</em>
</p><p>Fear. She remembers what Emma had to say about fear that day at the airport.</p><p>And that’s when it strikes her, she is done letting fear keep her from living her life. And she won’t let it keep her from the best thing that has ever happened to her.</p><p>The guitar and strings pick up, as the final chorus plays out. Emma belts with everything inside of her, ending on a grand final note.</p><p>
  <em>I just want to dance with you</em><br/>
<em>Let the whole world melt away and dance with you</em><br/>
<em>Who cares what other people say</em><br/>
<em>And when we’re through</em><br/>
<em>No one can convince us we were wrong</em><br/>
<em>All it takes is you and me, and a song</em>
</p><p>Kaylee closes out the browser and there’s the briefest moment of silence before a dopey grin spreads across Alyssa’s face, a single tear streaming her cheek. But this time, it’s one of joy.</p><p>It’s time to fix this.</p><p>“Kaylee, I have to go.” Alyssa grabs her coat off the rack, abandoning her purse and umbrella all together as she books it for the elevators.</p><p>“Wait, where are you going?!”</p><p>Alyssa presses the down button repetitively, as if it will make it come faster. “Just… Just do me a favor.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Alyssa takes in a deep breath, and exhales. “Pack up everything from my desk and leave a note on Jonathan’s door.”</p><p>Kaylee looks like a deer in the headlights. “Saying what?”</p><p>“Saying that…” Alyssa enters the elevator, and briefly pauses considering what her quitting note could possibly say. But the words come to her clearly, just as the door begins to close on her, “…that fate is stronger than fear.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Last chapter up next, but I think I will be adding an epilogue! Sorry these last few have been coming so late, but I hope you enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hooray! Last chapter! Epilogue to come after!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alyssa nearly falls through the doors at Angie’s, completely soaked from the now downpour outside. Immediately, her eyes lock on the tall blonde owner behind the bar top, polishing glasses and putting them on the shelves. She doesn’t even look phased. It’s as if Angie was expecting Alyssa to come barreling through.</p><p>The two look kindly at one another, before Alyssa finally gets out, “Hi.”</p><p>Angie smiles softly. “Hello, Miss Lys.”</p><p>Alyssa scans the room, still standing at the doorway. “Is she… is she here? At the bar?”</p><p>“Fraid not. But I think she planned on coming by later before we open tonight.” Angie begins to pull out the goods for Alyssa’s favorite drink. “So why don’t we cut all the convincing you to stay here and chit chat over a drink for a minute.”</p><p>Alyssa shakes off as much rain as she can off her jacket, practically ringing out her hair as she crosses the room and assumes her stool at the bar. Angie begins to prepare her cocktail, as Alyssa stares off to space and nervously taps her fingers on the wood top.</p><p>“Penny for your thoughts?” Angie asks.</p><p>Alyssa looks up, readjusting herself on her stool to face her better. “Did Em tell you about the other night?”</p><p>Angie hands her the drink, throwing a straw in. “Some. She’s general a pretty private person, as you know. But of course, big mouth Barry being at the party filled in some gaps for us.”</p><p>Alyssa takes a sip, before asking, “And?”</p><p>“You tell me.”</p><p>Alyssa drops her shoulders and stares off again. “I ruined it. She trusted me with herself and I messed it up. I’m not sure Emma will ever trust me again.”</p><p>“Well that’s absolutely the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Emma loves you. She cares about you. I mean, for crying out loud, you joined the league of her late grandmother and the Broadway gang. She trusts you more than anyone else in this world.”</p><p>“Maybe… I don’t know.” Alyssa takes another drink, gazing out the window. “I feel like all I’ve done is confuse her.”</p><p>Angie leans into the bar and uses her index finger to turn Alyssa’s face from the window and looks at her intensely. “Maybe she’s not the one who is getting swallowed up by confusion.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Emma knows how she feels, honey. And deep down in her heart, I think she knows how you feel. She believes in that bond you share. But what about you?”</p><p>“I still don’t understand.”</p><p>“What I’m getting at is… Emma trusts you. But the question is, do you trust Emma?”</p><p>Alyssa doesn’t have anything to say in response. She takes a deep breath. She’s amazed that she manages to have any tears left in her today.</p><p>“Emma is ready to be vulnerable with you. To share her life with you. Heck, she’s already done a heck of a lot of that. But now it’s up to you. If you want Emma, like I think you do, you’ll need to be vulnerable with her. Share your life with her.”</p><p>Alyssa wipes her face with a bar napkin that the blonde hands to her. “Jeez, Ang. You know you’re really good at this.”</p><p>Angie chuckles. “I remember giving Emma’s first pep talk back when she was in high school. She was still figuring a lot of stuff out. I just gave her a little boost was all, some behind-the-curtain encouragement if you will.” Angie winks. “I hope I get to keep giving you pep talks, too, Miss Lys.”</p><p>“Perhaps… So, any idea when Emma is actually coming back around?”</p><p>“Oh. That. Well…” Angie has a clever grin stretching cheek to cheek as she picks up Alyssa’s empty glass and begins to wash it. “She’s actually upstairs on the roof. Told me to be expecting you, she had a hunch you might try to come looking for her and well, she’s waiting for you…”</p><p>• • •</p><p>Alyssa bursts through the door from the stairwell a little out of breath. It’s still raining, cooling the air off but also continuing to douse her. At first, Emma is nowhere to be seen. The gazebo is empty, the only sound being heavy droplets making contact with its metal roof.</p><p>Maybe she left. Maybe she snuck out without Angie noticing. Maybe she was too late. Mayb-</p><p>“Alyssa.”</p><p>She spins on her heel to her name being called. The blonde is several strides behind her, holding a single rose. The sight of Emma Nolan on the rooftop waiting eagerly for her is almost too much to handle.</p><p>“Emma.”</p><p>Neither one of them say anything much. They just stand there, staring at each other. Emma’s wearing an oversized flannel rolled at the sleeves over a graphic tee, jeans and of course her iconic sneakers. Casual, relaxed as she stares longingly at Alyssa. But Alyssa also senses a hint of anxiety, given her twiddling with the rose between her fingers. It’s hard to believe this Emma, her Emma, was the same Emma Nolan she heard broadcasting her love ballad on the radio just an hour before.</p><p>The brunette uses the thought as her first prompt of conversation. “I heard your song.”</p><p>“I figured.” Emma looks at the ground and kicks some loose gravel. “Did- did you like it?”</p><p>“Oh God, yes. It was… it was perfect. And it was you. I mean, your voice and… Emma, I… I loved it.” After a longer pause, Alyssa speaks up again. “Em, the other night, I didn’t mea-”</p><p>“I know. I know, Lys.”</p><p>Alyssa takes a small step forward, inquisitive. “You do?”</p><p>Emma’s clears her throat as she continues, with her feet still cemented in place. “As the months passed by, I think it was easy to forget just how much pressure I was indirectly putting on you. Expecting you to treat what we had, being friends with me, as an everyday casual thing. I never stopped to consider just how much this was all weighing down on you.”</p><p>“Emma, I…”</p><p>It’s now or never.</p><p>“I have feelings for you. I’m… I’m in love with you.”</p><p>Silence. But Emma speaks loud and clear in her movement, as she lets the rose drop from her hand and begins crossing the rooftop to close their distance. She stops nose to nose with the brunette. She whispers hot breath as the rain continues to soak them.</p><p>“Alyssa?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Emma rests her forehead against Alyssa’s. “I’m in love with you, too.”</p><p>In a flash, Alyssa surges forward to takes Emma’s face into her hands passionately kiss her. Emma is only briefly shocked before easily slipping into the rhythm of their lips against each other. As one hand remains planted on Emma’s cheek, another one of Alyssa’s hands shift to cling to the back of the blonde’s neck, tangling her fingers in her hair. Like a reflex, Emma responds by engulfing Alyssa into her arms, fully wrapping them around the small of Alyssa’s back and gripping the fabric of her dress. It’s as if they are supremely unaware that the rain is drenching them, but neither make a move towards the covering of the gazebo. There is no reason to risk interrupting this moment.</p><p>While the first kiss at the party was breathtaking, this kiss was its own class of heat and passion and yearning. The two continue to part lips and turn heads and grip frantically to one another in a heated dance of desperation. Alyssa experiments with her kisses to elicit more incredible sounds from Emma, and Emma did the same. The exchange becomes more familiar, more comfortable as they continue on and on. Alyssa wanted this for too long and never wanted it to stop.</p><p>When they both finally come up for air, Alyssa speaks again. It’s time to lay everything out in the open with her. “Emma, it was never about the weight of the secret. It wasn’t about the pressure. It’s that… it’s you. The pressure is you.”</p><p>Emma looks adorably out of breath still, but also scrunches her nose in confusion.</p><p>“You needed a friend. And I didn’t want my feelings to get in the way of what you needed. But I realized I was falling for you. I didn’t think I was allowed to even imagine myself with someone like you.” Alyssa swallows hard. “I mean, come on. You’re Emma Nolan.”</p><p>“And you’re Alyssa Greene.”</p><p>Somehow and unsurprisingly, Emma knew exactly what to say at exactly the right time.</p><p>“Alyssa, I love you. I love being with you. I love everything about you. I. Love. You.”</p><p>“But sometimes I… I just feel you deserve to be with someone accomplished. Someone that matches your charm and talent. Someone that really inspires you.”</p><p>“Alyssa…” Emma reels her in even closer until their bodies are flush against each other, as she rubs up and down on the small of her back, “…that’s exactly what I have. With you.”</p><p>She’s cried multiple times today, but she’s pretty sure she’s on the verge of tears her last time today at Emma’s words. Alyssa confesses her final fear, staring deeply at Emma and ever hopeful for her response, wrapping both arms around her neck. “Am I going to be… enough for you?”</p><p>“Enough for me?” Emma tucks a brown curl tenderly around Alyssa’s ear. She adjusts her glasses on the bridge of her nose to gain a clearer view of her and smiles. A smile painted in pure unbelievable joy. “You are more than I could have ever dreamed of. I meant what I sang. I just want to dance with you, and no one else.”</p><p>Bliss. This must be what absolute bliss is. To have your dreams come to life. To be wrapped in Emma’s arms, as she heroically lifts her from the ground and spins Alyssa in circles. To lock with Emma’s lips and how natural they feel together. To feel her heartbeat beating rapidly through shirt fabrics against each other. To never worry when this moment might end.</p><p>And thankfully, she’s pretty sure she never has to worry about that ever again.</p>
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